Last night we had to go to Sam's Club and on the way out there was a lady on the Conner with a sign that said......

"In need of Prayer and Food"

She looked like she had been with a crack pipe for a month straight. Reminded me very much of meth-man's wife. Ratty dirty clothes and then I noticed the brand new shiny white Nike's. Rather shocking.

Ashton saw her and then read her sign. He asked me what it meant. I told him she is asking for people to pray for her and if they could give her food.....then he said...

"Can we get her some food??? and I will say a prayer for her."
"Sure we can"

so I turned into Burger King and we got a value meal for her and drove back to where she was at. I rolled down the window and Ashton rolled down his and he told her that he said a prayer for her and I tried to hand her the bag from Burger King.

"I really want money" she said.
"But your sign says prayer and food" Ashton said

She just looked at him and told him to roll up his window and we drove off.

"Mom, why did she say that to us when we were trying to help her?"
"Well, some people will do anything to get money--except for earning it"
"That's what my dad and Trinette did, huh?"
"Yes, in a way."
"That's not right! We even offered to help and she was rude."
"Yes she was and it's not right."
"Drugs are bad Mom, they are just bad"

I just sighed. He is only 8 years old and he can already tell when someone is a tweaker. It's sad that he has already experienced this, but it is also good in a way.

Historical Note: Many times in the past when we would see people with signs, we would go to the closest fast food place and get them a value meal and then bring it too them. I will not give them money, but a good hot meal has never hurt anyone. I did (and still do) this because I am grateful for the blessings in my life and I would like to help where I can. I also am teaching my children charity and gratitude.

But, it's instances like this (and their father's drama) that make it difficult to reach out and help without fear of repercussion.
But we still keep trying.



I saw this movie for the first thru tenth time this weekend--IT IS GREAT!!!

I can so relate to the situations. I cried and laughed, my kids thought I was more mental than usual......

So, if you haven't seen it.......you should.



Honorable Screen Name Mention!!!!

my_itchy_bunghole: hi kewl screen name my names Darian im from Savannah Georgia hi my_itchy_bunghole: ur PRETTY!

Now that's creative....I never would of thought of that one!!!!

It gets better, he is 13.


What a Week!!!

This is what I feel like today...Minus the manicure...
I had to teach an Excel class yesterday. It went pretty well, except for the lady that had issues every time she click the mouse or had to type more than 3 letters. And the sad thing is---She is the director of the San Juan College branch of Highlands University. VERY SCARY!!!
When I got home Friday night and let Sydney out of the garage, I discovered she hand ripped up the whole inside of the wooden people door....So, I had to make a dog pen to keep her in while we are gone. Luckily 3/4 of it was already done by the people who lived here before use. Hopefully this will work.
Gold fish tank was leaking so we had to go to Petco and get a new one. We got a awesome one and got home, I was getting it ready to be occupied and Juan Lopez walked up and hiked his leg on the Petco bag!!! In the House!!! I booted that worthless sex bean. Then we went back to Petco and got a crate (dog cage) to keep him in while we are gone. The last 3 weeks he has been peeing on everything. The weird thing is...he likes the crate and goes in it when he doesn't have to. But at least the house will be safe at night and while we are gone... The fish love their new tank...just in case you were wondering.
My mom is doing better!!! Yeah!!! AJ is kinda doing better in school. Still having Niki issues but I think he is getting sick of her high maintenance....so I am just watching to see what happens.
Ashton is tall enough to ride on all the rides at Disneyland. Alec is too short for the really wild ones, but tall enough for everything else. So Ashton will be AJ wild ride partner. He promised he wouldn't sissy out...so I am gonna hold him too it!!! If Alec was 3 inches taller, we could all ride all the rides....but it will still be great!!
I've always thought my life has way too much drama...but between Biker Chic and my friend Lisa....I live one dull and boring life. Biker Chic is in the Phoenix area for a funeral of her sister's ex-husband. She hasn't spoken to this sister in over 18 years...very weird. She keeps calling wanting legal advice for her nephew and the lady her ex brother in law was living with. I'M NOT A LAWYER. And if I was...I wouldn't be helping for free. Lisa wants me to go with her to drop off her ex-boyfriends stuff. I told her I would, just so she has a witness that she didn't do anything wrong. I don't know why she doesn't just put it to the curb and let it be his deal....oh well.
There is the update...I have to go do laundry......I know you're jealous and you should be....
Peace Out Blogland!!




When AJ was born, I made a promise to myself that I would get him to Disneyland before he turned 18.....well he turned 17 in November....so we are going to Disneyland on Spring Break!!!!

We will be driving (airfare was almost $2,000.00 for all 4 of us) and we will spend 4 nights in theh Disneyland Hotel and have park passes.......

I'M SO EXCITED.........


What kids say....

When I picked up the boys from daycare yesterday. Ashton stated that he wanted a sister. Of course he said this as loud as possible in a group of kids.

I said "Sure, we will stop by the store on the way home and pick one up."
"Really, can I have one that is not a baby??? Cause I want to play with her now!!!"
"Honey, I was kidding--they don't sell children at stores."
"Can we adopt one then?"
"I don't think they would let a single mom with 3 kids adopt another child."
"Can you find a guy that has a daughter and marry him then??"
"I will try"

The lady behind me busted out laughing.

The weird thing is...that he was totally serious. I wonder where they come up with these things.


Now this one is good!!!!

malestrip4females: care to watch me dance?

you have to break down his name to truly understand what he is doing.....


What I don't get is.....how is this erotic???? No one is touching you and you can't hear them saying anything....were is the excitment of stripping in front of a cam????

I guess I'm just an ol' fashion girl.......

What NOT to do before bed!!!

Last night as I was cooking dinner, I noticed that my oven was really dirty. So, after dinner and the clean up process I set the self-cleaning oven thingie. I'm guessing I didn't do it right because around 1:00 am I woke up to a burning smell. I jumped out of bed went to the furnace, nothing near it or on it, check the curling iron not on, checked the computer-nothing, looked outside and didn't see anything burning. Just as I was going to my room to put on shoes, I saw the lights on on the oven. The self-cleaning thingie finally kicked in. Freaked out that it wouldn't turn off right, I just turned it off. Then the dishwasher started about 45 minutes later. It has a delay switch and I had forget I set it to start that late...so I jumped up freaked out again until I woke up all the way and realized what it was.

I hate self inflicted wake-ups!!!



Well, my mom is doing better. Just a bruised tailbone. She is just sore , but on the mend. She went to a chiropractor and he said she would be sore for about 4 days, but nothing broken. But I now go by their house for my lunch hour and do a load of laundry and unload the dishwasher for her, and empty the trashes. Not really a lunch hour, but it is helping with the guilt.

Then.....Sunday, my washing machine died. When we went over to my parents' house it was running and 8.5 hours later when we returned...it was still running. It would fill and agitate but not spin, drain or stop.....So, Monday I went and sold 40 of my vacation hours and bought a really cool new Maytag one. (Sad that I get excited over household appliances) and I had $20.00 to spare so I ran around town and finally found the 4 parts I needed to hook up my portable dishwasher to the hot water for my washing machine. My washer and dryer are in the kitchen....it's a really old house. All the guys at the plumbing shops I went into thought I was on a "Mission Impossible", but 1.5 hours later and 5 visits to 3 different shops.....I "got'er dun".

I have lost 20 lbs since New Years...."Woo-Hoo".....and my ankles have actually stopped swelling like I was 14 months pregnant. They have been doing that every day since I had Alec on July 17, 2001. So it's so cool....I HAVE ANKLES!!!! and I have them all day not just in the morning!!!!! Of course 18 lbs of the weight loss is most likely water....but hey...a smaller number on the scale is always a good sign!!!!

and......last night I was listening to Launch Cast and "Best Man" by Blaine Lawson (it's either Lawson or Larson--my eyes were too teared up to read it non-blurred) came on. I have never really paid attention to this song...I did this time....I must of cried thru the whole song....then "I wanna make you cry" came one. I can't remember who it is by....and yes...I continued crying. I have no idea why I like songs that make me cry.....but they are just so cool. I couldn't get them out of my head all day today and it felt good.

Do you have any songs that you love that make you cry everytime you listen to them??


Great---Now this!!!!!

mashley1971: do you have any interest in women?


And the GUILT Begins!!!

My mom fell on the ice today. We had just got back from our adventure at Wal-Mart at about 10 am and I called them to tell them we were back. (Yes I really have to do this...stop laughing), my dad answered the phone and
I said "Hi"
and he said "You mother fell and hurt herself. She banged her head and might of broke her hip."
"Do we need to take her to the ER or Urgent Care?"
"I don't know yet"
"Would you like us to come over?"
"If you want too, but WE are capable of taking care of ourselves"
"Okay, I wasn't implying anything"

Geesh!!!! Yes, we went over.

The story is......She was in the side yard getting the trash can ready to take down. Their side yard never gets any sun, so since the recent snow....it's solid ice. For some reason she thought that throwing snow on the ice would make it less slippery. Odd thought--and her theory was proven wrong, that is where she fell. My dad being 3/4 deaf couldn't hear her banging on the locked side door. So she crawled to the front door and some how got in the house. He helped her up from there.

When we got there she was in the recliner sitting on a heating pad. She had a huge bump on the back of her head but no concussion. I asked her if she had taken anything for the pain, she said yes. I asked what and she said Advil. After about an hour, I got her to her feet and made her walk. I think she just bruised her tail bone. The scary thing is ---she is taking aspirin daily to keep her blood thin. She has heart disease. So this large of a fall, I am worried about the bruising and such. My dad offered to rub aspir-cream on her and she just looked at him and shook her head...... So I made her walk. She didn't want to and I finally got to use the line she always used on me after child birth---"You will get more sore if you don't". Anyway, after another few hours she was walking ok and able to get out of the chair herself, just very slowly.

I went and got them dinner and told her she should take another pain pill on her full stomach so then she could take one before bed. My dad went and got her aspirin!!! I asked her if that is what she took earlier and she said yes. Then I told her that it will also help thin her blood even more and then I went to the medicine cabinet and got the advil and made her take two and then set two out for her to take before bed.

Alec was entertainment for most of our visit. He was telling stories and being animals.....

I also took over some rock salt and salted their side yard and then right before we left, I shoveled as much of the ice off that I could and put down more salt and took their trash cans down.

I have such horrible guilt for not being there or not doing more when I am there.



"The young ones make great pets.
Just make sure you kill them before they mature.
Believe me, the last thing you want is a human teenager
running around yourhouse." -Limbo, Planet of the Apes (2001)

How true that is.......CHEESE AND RICE!!!!
Today we had a school delay for school because of the snow. Not that the snow was bad in town, but kids are bused from way out there to Farmington Schools, so there was a delay due to bad highway conditions.
Anyway, I called the school to make sure he actually went (fun in the snow can be a strong voice calling a young guy in the wrong direction). He went and the really cool lady at the principal's office told me how to check this stuff on line. So I logged in and **eyes popping out of head** I was shocked. He has 3 F's- One in Algebra II, English 11 and chemistry. And he has missed hours on the days that assignments were due. Mainly in English--that is the class after lunch.
So, I went home at lunch to check on Ashton who is still bed ridden and AJ and Niki come home. I confront him on the grades and the absences and she said "We have to return to school now!" and turned her back to me and walked off. He just followed her. No answer, no nothing. So I said "You are not going to avoid answering me!" and all that I hear is a door slam.
So, I get Ashton all taken care of and head back to work. On the way back I text AJ on his cell phone --"I will fix this MY way!". I get back a "I'm Sorry".
I don't really know what to do. If I attempt to separate them, he will only go stronger towards her. But if I don't do anything---bad things could happen. She won't call on the house phone anymore, she trys to avoid me so she only calls on his cell. I'm thinking I am going to make him put his cell in the kitchen when he is home. Also make him show me his daily work so I know it's done, and I will keep checking the internet for his attendance and turned in assignments. I'm also thinking of making him "earn" his free time away from home. Like doing chores and getting his homework done.
I'm thinkin' a cage might be cool though!!
Any input is greatly appreciated!!!!



Our quiet little basin was experienceing a major "white-out"
grand total in my front yard was about 2.5 inches

My gazing ball peacock...isn't exactly shining in the snow!!

Plum Tree

My bird feeder is empty!!!! I just filled it 2 days ago!

This is the veiw on my neighbor's property...
My Front Yard
The Grape Vine
Sydney in the snow....
She loves the snow...

Sydney and Juan...I think Juan decided that being a snow bunny just wasn't for him

....cause he came back in quick!!!

Can't wait for all this beautiful snow to turn to ice tonight

and make driving to work tomorrow a joyful experience!!!


I have had my fill of me-me people. It seems that lately, that is all that is around me. I do realize that all of us at times get into a "me-me" mode--and I can deal with that. I'm talking about the people that are always in that mode and get pissy if you aren't all about them as well.

Biker chick is a huge me-me. I can be on the phone with a customer or a vendor and she will burst into my office and just start talking. I will pause and ask the caller to hold on and tell her I am on the phone...and she just keeps going. Once I shush'd her and you would of thought I called her the "C" word...she got all hurt and even more pissy.

Then we have my friend Lisa, who can't quite talking about her male friend that I personally think is a tweaker. She insists on calling me at work and at home and needs to talk for very long periods of time. At first, it was acceptable because it was a fresh heart wound and I know those can be horrible.....but after 3 months and she still won't walk away.....she just keeps stirring it up...and then she wants my advice and asks me questions about meth-man. Not even thinking that having to relive that crap is not exactly a happy thing for me......

Then we have the guys that I used to talk to on the internet. Haven't heard from them in months...and I mean at least 4 or 5. They pop in and act like they have been around all the time. I've even had a guy tell me that he loved me. The only reason he was talking to me was because he just got dumped and he wanted someone to lick his wounds and other things....

Then we have the one that just talks about himself non-stop, no matter what the subject of the conversation, he will just go off on his on little conversation.

I mean when you talk to someone, isn't there supposed to be an exchange of words, thoughts, visions and knowledge??? Isn't that what makes it a conversation??? You talk with people not at them???

I mean I have more intelligent and meaningful conversations with my 4 year old than I do with some adults. I love to listen to people, don't get me wrong--it's just when it is always me listening that it gets annoying.

It seems the people you care about and care about you don't do this. It's the people that only care for themselves that carry on in such a manner. If I have a friend that is having a problem, I am there and I am all ears. That is what friends are for, and they are there for me when I am ready to unload. But, those are very precise instances--not an every day thing.

How do you deal with "ME-ME" people????


Creator of the Name!!!!!

Here is the creator of the "PeeBugg" Name
His name is Mike and his last name began with an O but can't remember the rest....

okay...here is the story....first off...no, I never peed on a bug and no it's not like a piss ant.

In 1987, in high school...I was in a computer class. I sat at the back of the class with about 7 others. Did we pay attention???? Heck no, that's why we sat at the back of the class. (Which is odd considering how much I use and abuse computers now) Anyway, we were playing a computer game called Montezuma's Revenge. Had been playing the game every day since the second day of class--All of Us..... And I had just completed a level that the guy next to me (that's him up there) couldn't get past. And of course I had to make a huge deal out of it, do the whole victory dance and everything. He slammed his hands down on the desk and said....

"You are such a P(silence) BUG!!"

Then he laughed.....and said "Yep, you're a PeeBugg!!"

He called me that from there on out. And when the time came to come up with an original screen name for messengers, e-mails and the works.....PeeBugg wasn't taken...imagine that!!!

So there you have it folks.....

What high school memories still haunt you???


Turning back the hands of time....

Take yourself back to fall 1985...home coming is over and you are in basketball season.....Your school's team made it to State!!!! Woo-hoo........

Drama Mama 's parents were brave enough to take us 15 year old teenage wannabe vixons down to Albuquerque so we could watch...

oh and the rest of the Fighting Scorpion Varsity Basketball Team

Play in the State play off's in the illustrious UNM "PIT"
We had our long athletic socks for swinging and our pom-pom's for cheering. We were part of the well-known and now banned for life "FHS RIOT SQUAD".
Good Times, Good Times....
And now is where Drama Mama is gonna kill me.....check out these pictures...

It's a 3 hour trip....and she didn't know not to fall asleep because I had the camera!!!!

I so love being in control of the camera!!!!

At the hotel in our "Team Colors"

I love having the camera....that way there are no incriminating pictures of yourself!!!


I couldn't resist...

Your Kissing Purity Score: 31% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell...

But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Erotic Thriller

You've made your own rules in life - and sometimes that catches up with you.
Winding a web of deceit comes naturally, and no one really knows the true you.

Your best movie matches: Swimming Pool, Unfaithful, The Crush

Pass the Ointment Please!!

Tuesday is looking much better than yesterday. Biker chic is gone to become a grandma again, so there is some peace in my life a work.

I am still be haunted by my ex-husbands actions. I was served a court document today saying that I now owe $2,643.56. These debts were incurred when we were separated but the divorce was not final. And even though I have all kinds of domestic violence court documents proving that we were not together, I am responsible for them. Thank goodness I was not on his checking account otherwise I would also be responsible for all of that mess too.

So, I had to set up payment arrangements to pay this off so they will not garnish my check. It seems odd that he is in prison, living better there than he did when he was out. He gets paid for whatever work he does, 0.17 per hour I think, doesn't have to pay for anything and I get to pay his bills and he has never paid child support.

It just seems that he always comes out on the winning side of this stuff. I realize that he is in prison and his freedom is gone, but he gets more TV channels than I do. But he doesn't have to worry about paying bills, feeding kids, housework, yardwork, budgeting and compromising like all other adults have to in order to maintain a normal lifestyle. He just has to keep his back to the wall and attempt to maintain a normal mental condition.

Did you know, they don't send you to prison as a punishment??? When they sentence you they "separate you from society" for a time period so you can learn better behavior.

I know I'm whining, I've just had enough of cleaning up his messes. It's not my job anymore.

I will quote Drama Mama "It really Chaps My Fanny".

What chaps yours?


Mundane Monday

It feels like I am in a downward spiral and headed for a crash.

Things are just building and building....and I can feel the steam starting to spew from my ears. Nothing has really changed at work--biker chic is still being a biatch, but now it's acceptable because he daughter is getting ready to have a baby....poohie I say... The Newbie is back from her cruise and doesn't want to be here so isn't doing a dang thing and being nothing but a whinny butt.

So needless to say, my mood isn't improving. On top of being sick I have to deal with them and I really don't want too. So I have stayed in my office all day and listened to LaunchCast, yahoo is being nice to me today...so that has been a help.

My mom called and said she almost took my dad to the ER last night cause he couldn't breathe and she couldn't get his oxygen machine to work....did she call me last night...NO....she tells me the next morning. She is hinting around that we should move back in with them. I really don't want too. She is going mentally and my father physically...so this is going to be a fun trip. I guess if it gets really bad, I will have too. I am hoping my brother will be moved back here by then and he and/or his wife can help. Not that he would, but the thought is nice. Winter is always hard on my parents, so we are just going by there alot more like every other night for a visit. AJ was over there with my dad most of today and helped him get some stuff done....so it will work out, we just have to re-adjust.

My friend Lisa called, she and her man are trying to work things out. But, she wants to come over tonight and borrow my phone recording equipment just in case he goes postal again. That sounded real promising. She came over yesterday and brought some chicken and rice soup. AJ just looked at it and said..."I'm not eatin' it!" I kinda have to agree with him, it smelled funky. So I gave it to the dogs, they didn't even eat it all....that should tell you something right there.

I wish I had some big strong arms to go home to tonight....

(song starts from Snow White)

Some day my prince will come......



Okay, I have decided that I have to complete one scrapbook page every Sunday. Plus, all pictures I am putting the scrapbooks, I am scanning and storing to CD. This may not seem like much, but with 3 boys, 3 dogs, 1 cat and 75 hours of work a week.....it's all I can commit too at the moment.

So, today's page is about AJ--in 1999 to be exact--- Here are the pictures I am going to use....


Job Failure!!!

My plans on being super cool mom...failed.

I woke up Friday feeling like someone had stapled my tonsils to the back of my throat. Woke up this morning feeling like they had ripped them out. So we stayed home. I hadn't told the boys anything, so they really weren't disappointed.

I don't usually tell them, I just wake their dreaming bodies up at 330am and load them into the warm, running and packed SUV and we head out. They know by that time what the deal is and they go back to sleep for a bit.

Anyway, I just couldn't. I woke up at 230am and could hardly move, was freezing and sweating at the same time (that is just the weirdest thing ever.....) and I went back to bed. My mom called at 800am and I finally got out of bed. Ashton was already, but he was watching a movie upstairs in his room. So I made him breakfast and crashed on the couch.

After about 3 hours and 4 Comtrex-es, I got up and did some mild house cleaning. And believe it or not I finally got the cable for the TV into my room. And I didn't fall off the ladder...Yeah!!! So now I can finally use that cool TV my parents gave me for something other than Alec's DVD's.

Sorry I have no, great prison report......But the boys did draw and color some stuff for their dad and tomorrow we will make envelopes and take them to the post office.

I am going to find the Nyquil and my electric blanket......Happy Dreams to Everyone!!!


I guess I must!!

Alec has been bugging me to go see his dad. Ashton has been a mope....so I guess this weekend, we will journey once again down to Los Lunas.

I want to do everything in the world to hlep my children, but I hate it that it also helps their dad. I know that is horrible to say, but I do.

But on the bright side....at least I won't have to go to the baby shower....or least I have a good excuse not too.....

So, anyone with any good prison jokes...please share!!! It makes my day telling them to meth man.....because he sees no humor in them anymore!!!!


Who Put a Sign On Me???

Some one must of put a sign on me today that says...

"Please be a total A$$ to me...I like it!"

I am serious, it started right when I got to work and it is still going on. I get to work and go to clock in. I have to use the clock in the warehouse and one of the shop guys just stands there in the middle of the sidewalk and won't move. I say, "Excuse Me" and take one step forward and he doesn't move. Then he said "What's wrong doesn't the little princess want to get close to a guy like me?" Honestly, NO!! . I said, "Honey, you don't have what it takes to handle me!" And I stepped on his foot and pushed him out of the way. What the heck.....Jerk!!!

So, I get to my office and biker chick comes in and is a total biatch...

Biker Chick: "Why didn't you greet me this morning?"

I am thinking...greet you??? I said "We all have to use the time clock now, remember?? And I did say good morning!"
She said"Well, I didn't hear you.....did you wait for my response???"
"No, I have to do payroll--you do want to get paid don't you?"

She just stomped out. I don't know how her husband deals with her...maybe he has earplugs or something. Anyway she continued little snotty snips at me all day long. And then she wanted to know why I was being such a biatch.....RASPBERRIES!!!

She is one of these people that thinks you should always be there for "her" no matter what is going on or what needs to be done. But if you truly need something and she is slightly busy...she tells you that she is way to busy to deal with your petty life. Hence, I am not really in any big rush to hang with her. But she is throwing her daughter a baby shower this weekend and I am invited. When they found out the sex of the baby, I bought 4 really cute little girl outfits and gave them to her. She never even said thank you---her or her daughter. I really don't want to go to the shower. Hopefully, I will be sick enough I can't...now isn't that sad...I hope I am sick over the weekend....geesh....

Some guy I used to talk to via messenger called me a dysfunctional biatch today. (are you realizing how much I am using the "B" word today??? odd) I am dysfunctional because I won't have sex with him. He wants a woman to have sex only with him but he wants no other contact. And he will be having sex with other women but those women have to be devoted to him.......I'm thinking his tally-whacker is going to shrivel up and fall off before he gets his harem built.

Yesterday when I came home there was a plastic bag on my front door from "Tuesday Morning". There were two stuffed animals in it and one red crayon and one yellow crayon both from Red Lobster. This is still freaking me out. One- they came in my yard (I have a fenced in front and back yard with gates, two-they weren't afraid of the ferocious Sydney, three-there was no note, I have no idea where they are from and four-meth man did this type of thing once and the toys actually had meth sprinkled on them. He was trying to get me framed for drugs so I would lose the boys. He would rather the boys be in a orphanage than be with me....jerk!!!

This paragraph is the only cool thing that has happened!!!

Anyway, I contacted everyone I could think of that had my address--no one left them. I even sent an e-mail to the northern man to ask---but I haven't heard back. So, I called the police department--they thought I was nuts.....So I asked to talk to the domestic violence advocate--I know her and she went thru all of the meth-man crap with me in court. She freaked too....wondering if he had his friends stalking me again. So she sent over a k-9 cop and a regular one. The regular cop I have had crush on since 2003 when he helped me get the stuff out of meth man's house before the bank repo'ed it. He walked up and just shook his head and gave me a hug. Yes, a hugging cop.....he is so cool....if he was just a bit older and not married. He asked me if they had been bothering me again. I told him no...and he just shook his head. The k-9 dog didn't smell anything, I was glad--but I didn't want the toys. So The awesome officers dropped them off at ChildHaven...which is an orphanage/kids home.

You would think I would be over freaking out, but I am not. I guess I never will be, I just wish I could move out of this town and start over. But that is a few years away......takes alot of money to relocate a family on one salary and AJ will be a senior next year so he needs to finish school here----I'm like a Marine.....never leave a man behind!!!

Wish I was more like a Marine and could make the saying "Pain is just weakness leaving the body" an acceptable reality instead of getting freaked out and turning back into a hermit.

Someone Please Change My Sign!!


Monday Midnite Memories

Well almost midnite...I don't think I will be able to stay up that late tonight.

Anyway, I have decided that I would pick out pictures to start the boy's scrapbooks. So as I was digging thru the file drawer full of photos...I found these and I had to share them....

This is AJ's dad and I when we got married. We got married on September 6, 1988--AJ was born on November 11, 1988 and he was exactly 2 weeks late. So yes, after doing the math (quick do it) I am 7 months pregnant in these pictures. (Side note: I was exactly 18 years 6 months and 2 hours (to the minute) older than AJ....go ahead and do the math again)

This is his dad about 2 years ago at his Aunts funeral. He is the geek in the white and black.

He has changed a bit, but not much appearance wise.

Now.......Here is the meth-man pictures

This is our first weekend away we spent together. We took AJ to Durango, CO and stayed in, what was then, The Red Lion Inn. How cool you say...it was....except I paid for it all. I should of wised up then...but oh well. I have never been into "long hairs" but for some reason he slipped by all my rules of logical reasoning. AJ was so cute, that guy told him not to smile look serious...and he did. That was spring 1993, about 2 weeks later we moved in with meth-man.

Married December 10, 1995.

This was taken in November, 1998. Yes I really am that pale. Drama Mama helped me attempt to find a bra for this dress. (ended up not wearing a bra because the dress was so dang tight) It was very dark purple and it had the cool neck thing like Lori Morgan wore at some awards thing, except her dress was red and she was much thinner. I have no idea why he tried to do the GQ thing in this picture.

This was all of us at the time. Ashton was not quite One Year old yet.

The reason I put this picture in, besides I love it, is a closure thing.

Right before we moved out, the boys and I were in the car and "Family Portriat" by Pink came on the radio. AJ said "that is so my life" and he looked at me. My jaw about dropped. And he took the above picture out of my wallet and said "We are not this anymore, Mom!"

Enough Said!

But I do like the pictures, helps to remember the good and not just the bad.

Why do these people pick me????

I just got this IM.......

manlookn4panties: hello there, might there be a chance that I could maybe convince you to sale or just send me your worn panties, if yes please respond back thank you

I am starting to agree with Kdubs.......in need a man cleansing or something


Raspberries, Raspberries, Raspberries

I couldn't figure out how to type out the sound you make when you've just had enough..so


We are home this morning, Alec is on the mend but I didn't want to risk it. Ashton is home too, he is not feeling really bad. His eyes are red, and he didn't sleep much last night...but the real reason is because I couldn't take Alec outside this morning to take Ashton to school...he still had a bit of a fever. So, it is we three....

My friend Lisa called me at work and of course they told her I was at home so she called here. She also called Saturday around 3 pm, yesterday afternoon and last night and insists on talking for about 2 hours each time. Even though I tell her I have sick kids......I guess that is the difference between parents and other adults.

Anyway, lately she has been accepting that the deal with her man is over. Well I guess he came over last night and they spent the night talking and fell asleep for a few hours in each other's arms. Awwwwww you might say...I say he is a con-artist. He is supposed to pay her $10,000.00 tomorrow to buy her out of their business. How conviently he shows warm emotion to her the day before. I told her yesterday that he most likely has the money but he won't give it to her. I didn't say anything today....why ruin a happy high.

She actually keeps count of how many days since they broke up--how many of them he was good, how many of them he seemed tweaked and how many he was cold and distant. Cheese and Rice--I have a hard enough time remember when my last period started and ended let alone keeping up with someone else's moods.

I mean we have talked and talked and I have listened and listened and listened--the girl is going in circles. I guess it is the different way that people deal with things. I became an Ice Queen and pretty much still am...and to be honest...I have kinda always been that way. A few people have gotten deep into my heart and left their mark and with those...I did cry and I cried a lot....but not to anyone who would listen. Most of my crying was done alone in the bathroom or somewhere no one could find me. Yes, I have gotten on the phone with the person and been a blubbering idiot a few times......but then afterwards I feel like a fool...so I have decided not to do that ever again. If songs come on LaunchCast while I am at work that will spark an emotion...I quickly skip that song, eventhough I so much want to hear it. Certain places or times of the year still get to me....but not to the extent that I have to relive the whole episode!!! I just kinda get bummed and allow myself to reflect and remember and if a tear appears...I let it happen and then quickly wipe it away.

How do you deal with emotional outbreaks and ordeals????


I am Naming Her!!!!

Because Violent Haze requested it....I am naming the doll on my blog......her name.....


Why that name you ask...well because of the last few posts, I love vanilla ice cream, she has white hair and somewhat resembles the flower people dolls when I was younger. And I think there is really a vanilla lily. At least there is one on that movie where she cooks stuff and people become entranced with her mood while she was cooking. What was that movie???

Anyway....today and last night were good and bad.

Alec started coughing about 10 pm and didn't stop no matter what I tried. So we went to Reliance Medical this morning. It is a private version of Urgent Care. Normally they are faster and better than our hospitals Urgent Care. Just not today. Waited about an hour in the waiting room and another 30 minutes in the room. Doctor was a total sperm sack, told me it was Alec's allergies to the dogs. Hello...we have had dogs since before he was born...and this just started 3 days ago and has progressively gotten worse and 4 kids were sent home from his class last week.

Anyway, then he decided to tell me about the cold/flu stuff. His ears were not infected, which was what I was worried about. (I need to learn how to check for that and save my money) He wasn't even nice to Alec. He was just cold and rude, I am learning because I was cold and rude right back. I used to just accept their behavior because in my mind they were "superior" to me and when it is dealing with me, I will most likely always be that way, but when it is dealing with my kids.........they had better think twice before lashing out at this She Lion.

Okay, so we went to Wal-greens to get the Rx filled. Dropped it off and asked the pharmacist if he recommended any particular for this particular strand of the flu that was going around. He just looked at me and said...."treat the symptoms". What the hell kind of answer is that??? I know that with each flu epidemic, certain medicines work better than others. 2 years ago it was Robitussin. I mean isn't that what they advertise...."Your neighborhood pharmacy" and in all the commercials they are always helpful......BLAH!!!! FALSE ADVERTISING!!!!!! not to mention it took over an hour to fill the Rx.

So Master Alec has been in my bed all day, medicated, and watching the portable DVD player. He is horribly whinny and very needy, which is so not like him. I hate seeing my lil' spidey sick. He is the guy that inspires me to get out of bed in the morning for fear of what he might do if I don't...now he is just laying there.

He even has on fuzzy PJ's and not the spidey suit, you know it's gotta be bad.



Ever since my horrible date, I have been surfing and learning about fetishes. There are some extremely "non-conventional" people out there. A lot of these I knew about...but some of them, I still can't imagine:

There is SCAT- Which is literally "taking a dump" on your partner. AJ described to me a "Hot Carl" Which is after sex, the person on top scoots up and "lays a log" on the partners chest. Yes that is the terminology he used. So gross.

Enema- Now who would want an enema??? and to think it's erotic???

Spanking- Well, yes it's been around for a long time. But these people want bruises and blood. Caning, whips--the whole nine yards. I just can't see it.

Cutting--Yes actually cutting your partner.

Needle Play--Basically seeing how much needle penetration you can stand.

Knife Play- You don't really use the knives on each other...just pretend...but what if some one slipped...there would be another "Bobbit" adventure...

Hot wax--Okay, I played with wax when I was a kid and destroyed my mom's candles. But, I just don't want someone pouring on my sensitive parts.

Fisting-- What the heck??? Why would any woman want a guys or girls whole hand and arm up there. True women give birth...but they aren't that big all the time.

Animals- That's just gross. Do people really train their animals to do this???

Dom/Sub- I realize this is role play. But to let someone tie you up naked in a compromising position, blindfold you, and then do things to you that hurt, leave marks and might cause perm. damage. How can that be fun. How is it fun to be a total jerk and hurt someone you are to be intimate with?? How can you be intimate with someone that tells you how horrible you are and hurts you???

Bondage- I know we have all seen the movies where a guy is tied up with the girls pantyhose. That is not what they are talking about. They are talking about shackles and chains and thick ropes. Sex swings anything to restrain you. I just don't see how it can be fun.

Rape-- Why would anyone want to pretend that??? No wonder there is so much of it.

Group Sex/Gang Bangs/Swinging: Yes, I know these have been around for a very long time. But have they not heard of AIDS or HIV??? how about STD's? Everyone claims they are clean and some might even had a doctors exam and been tested. But who or what have they done since that test or exam??? And it can take up to 7 years for AIDS or HIV to show up. And who would want to watch their mate/loved one with someone else. How could you be with someone else with your significant other watching??? What person would want to be done by several different people in a row. And how gross would it be to stand in line to get your turn??? Can you say..."Sloppy Seconds, thirds, fourths....."?

Now I just touched on a few of them. There are hundreds more out there, there are even groups that meet to do whatever it is that they do?? I found an incredibly "visual" website www.alt.com For the alternative lifestyle. You can search for people that are of the same fetish. Very, Very...and I do mean Very graphic....don't go there unless you are alone and what to be shocked.

The people that prefer traditional roles and relationships are in what they call "The Vanilla Lifestyle".

What are your thoughts on Fetishes??


I was wondering how dog hair got in my bed.....

The other morning I woke up with dog hair in my mouth....eeewwwwww And when I got out of bed, there was dog hair all over my night gown. Now, I love my dogs but I don't let them sleep on the bed.

So, I stripped my bed and was washing everything....I walk back into my room and I see this...

Alec had found my portable DVD player again and a bag of Lil' Smokies in the fridge and was camping out and he had guests!!!!!

and yes....the spiderman suit is doing well....dang it!!!!

Resolutions aka Goals for 2006

Steven Covey suggests having goals not resolutions....so....

Serving and eating more organized and healthy meals Meaning, planning ahead of time and having things ready. I've been doing this for about a month and I want to continue it. Also I have cut 3/4 of the junk food out of all of our diets. The only one really protesting is AJ's girlfriend.

Daily Chores for Everyone another one the boys hate...except AJ. We have been the only two doing things around the house on a daily basis. So now, the little beast have to pitch in and help.

The last one I have changed. It was going to be, find a cool guy to hang with. Now, it's keep my life on course and tend to the boys. If I guy should happen by, then let him find a spot. I keep rearranging my life for the men, I think the right choice is to let them see if they fit with us.

Anyway...those are my goals.....

What are your goals for 2006?


1st Date From Hell in 2006

I was going to put my New Year's Resolutions on here....but instead I am putting the details of my date from hell last night

Okay, met this guy via a friend. We went to lunch yesterday and he seemed pretty cool. The he asked me if I wanted to go to a movie last night. COOL!!! was my mental thought. To get to go to a theater with someone and not watching a kid flick. So, I said yes.

Because I am still weird about security and stuff, I met him there. Well, Kong was sold out. That was really the only one starting soon that was any good, so he asked me if I wanted to rent a movie and watch it at his house. I thought that was pretty good, so we went to block buster and he got "Wedding Crashers", then I followed him to his house or apartment.

Anyway, we go inside and I asked him if I could use the bathroom. He said yeah, it's upstairs. So I get to the top of the stairs and there is a room with the light on that I have to pass. In this room there is this device...almost as tall as the ceiling, chains hanging from it...and what semi-resembles a chair hanging from the chains. Ropes draped over another bar and some other stuff draped, but couldn't at a glance figure out what they were.
This is a mild version of what I saw......and I do mean mild....

His was much scarier..

Anyway...I quickly go to the bathroom and get back down stairs. We are sitting on the couch and the movie pre-views are playing and he askes me if I am into bondage. I say no....then he says, "I'm a Dom"....me being a smart ass says..."Cool, I'm a Gemini."

He leans over to kiss me...seemed okay...then he grabbed my throat and pushed me down on the couch. Freak out mode set in and I kicked him in the stomach and got up fast. He told me to calm down. no way...couldn't do that. I turned quickly to get out the door and I ended up running into part of the end of the wall. I have a bruise on my chest. Anyway...I got the heck out of there.

deep sigh..........


Thong Update

I am back.......my home computer had a virus that I couldn't get rid of so I have been out of action....but I finally got it fixed so.....

Update on the thong issue

He came home from work around 10:30 pm, I was laying on the couch waiting. It just about killed me not to say...look at your light. But I refrained and just watched TV. He went into his room turned on the light and called Niki on his cell phone. While talking to her he took off his shoes and layed down on his bed. I could hear him talking then all of a sudden he wasn't talking. Then I heard him say to her "My mom put your thong on "The Boob"" That's what he calls that light because it is shaped so weird. Then he laughs a little. She of course is going off on the other end. Wanting to know which one and why I did that. He just kept laughing and saying "I don't know, ask her"

Then after they got done ...."Mom, why is Niki's thong on my light?"
"Son, Why is Niki's thong in my house without Niki?"

He left it up there, he thought it looked cool. She, however, removed it when she came over the next day. She wouldn't look at me for 3 days, then she finally got over it.


On New Year's Eve she came over and so did one of AJ's guy friends and they hung out since I wouldn't let him go out. Niki went home at 1 am and the guy stayed the night. They went up into the little boys' room to play dream cast for a while and I really didn't think much of it.

I went up stairs the next morning and another thong was on Ashton's bed. So I take it down stairs and wait for the 2 boys to wake up. When AJ got up I asked him to call Niki and he did. Then I got on the phone and told her the next pair of her underwear I find in my house that is not on her body will be delivered to her father's work in front of his whole staff. Her dad is a State Farm agent. She stumbled over about 12 different excuses. I just handed the phone back to AJ without a comment.

Ya know......it's a thong---in all reality it doesn't even have to come off....