Does my 3 year old EVER sleep???

It's been a while since my last post, I have been taking things as they go.

My concern today, after no sleep last night, is does Alec get enough sleep. His brother is asleep by 9 pm no matter what, but no Alec. Oh no!! He didn't finally get sleepy till about 3 am. Which means I am like a burnt piece of toast today. He just isn't tired, but this morning he was a grumpy bear when I had to wake him up at 6:30 am. Which is understandable after only 3.5 hours of sleep.

So tonight I am starting a new evening/bedtime routine. We get home around 530 pm, we will get our drinks (usually crystal light or gatoraide) and take all 3 dogs for a short walk. Get home, eat dinner, homework, baths, story time and then to bed no later than 9:00 pm 8:30 pm would be ideal. I am going to have to lay down with Alec and make him stay in bed. Hopefully, I won't fall asleep with him. So my house is going to be a wreck until I get this worked out.

Any helpful hints or ideas?


Mental Meltdown

Yesterday was HORRIBLE.

On our way home from work and daycare, I decided to stop the boys dad's house, EX2, and let them say Hi since they hadn't seen him for a while.

It was just him there, his wife was at her drug counseling. He had cut his hair, removed all the body piercing rings--pretty much cleaned up. He almost looked like the man I was married to. He is much better with the boys when his wife is not around. He actually plays with them, not trying to impress her. They visited and he looked at Ashton's hermit crab, but he wouldn't touch it. (hee-hee). Then he came over to talk to me. (On Saturday he had told me that he was not going to prison and they would assign him to drug court. Drug court is a program for felons that have drug problems. They are very strict and make each participant take witnessed drug test (UA) about 3 times a week. These tests aren't pre scheduled. They just let you know that morning you have 3 hours to get to the clinic. Since he wasn't going away to prison, I decided to let the boys start seeing him again as long as things went well.) Well, he told me that the judge rejected his application to Drug Court and he will be going to prison.

This really messed with my emotions for some reason. I am not sure if it was the way he looked and it brought back old memories or what. I, being the Ice Queen, didn't show any emotions around him I just said "that's too bad" and avoided all eye contact. He said he would keep me informed but if he can't get the judge to change his mind then he will have to report this Friday, April 15, for transport to NM State penitentiary. We did a bit more casual chit-chat and then I packed up the boys to go home. They hugged and kissed their dad and he thanked me for the chance to see them. We drove off into the sunset.

Now normally I am overly glad to see him get his just dessert. But, I am having mixed feelings on this one. I will truly be a single parent doing everything on my own. Not that I haven't been for the last 2 years but he will be no where for me to even consider asking for help. He has never paid child support so it's not like I will be out any money or anything. I think it's just the thought that I could ask for help if I truly needed it. I don't know. When you are married for 10 years there are things that you just understand about that person. You're parents don't understand you the same way. I guess true loneliness is setting in, I think I am realizing that I cannot rely on him for my strength. I have been relying on my anger to keep me going. I guess I am co-dependent. That is a very scary thought.

I came home with a huge headache. I did a few invoices on my computer and decided to go to bed. I then realized that the boys had junk food-ed out and I hadn't given them their baths. Ashton was already asleep and Alec, as usual, was playing with toys in the closet watching TV. He did have his PJ's on though. Then the total "Job Failure" as a mom thing set in . I started crying.

I got on-line with a friend and she helped me at least stop crying for a moment.

"Thank You" if you are reading this Drama-Mama.

Anyway, I took 3 advil, took a hot bath and went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling a lot better. I think the realization of my co-dependency or whatever it is helped a lot.

I think future blogs will not be out-lashing at my EX2 but more of my true feelings as I discover that I have them.


At Large Escapee Scared the Crab Out of Me!!

Recently escaped Thomas the Hermit Crab was found last night. As I was doing the midnight check on the boys and going to the bathroom, in the dark so not to wake anyone, I felt a creature crawling across my foot. First reaction was, COCKROACH, and I jumped up to turn on the light and it was Thomas.

After about 5 minutes of trying to catch my breath, I picked him up and put him back in his cage. I am guessing he was in the bathroom looking for water since it has been 4 days since his escape. I guess you could call it an escape. Ashton was playing with him and then got sidetracked and forgot to put him back in his cage.

The joy of family creatures.


Our New Addition

Sydney' s first day home Posted by Hello

This is Sydney. She is part Akita and part Border Collie. 7 weeks old and very calm so far. She loves the boys.


Boys will be Boys

Let's start with last night. My 16 year old had 2 of his high school friends over. They were all jumping on the trampoline. My other two sons, ages 7 and 3, decided to join in. I was worried at first that the bigger boys might beat up on the little ones. So I checked on them often. About 30 minutes into the adventure, one of the older boys, I think his name was Michael, came in with a bloody nose. I asked him what happened. He said that Alec, my 3 year old, had punched him in the nose when they were wrestling. Very difficult not to laugh and act concerned for his well being. He recovered and they continued playing. He-he-he...That's my boy.

This morning I discovered we are missing a hermit crab. Ashton's, 7 year old, crab was not in his cage when I went to feed him. Questioning the little boys I got the answers of: "He's in the Truck" I checked out the play truck, but no crab. Ashton said that he was playing with him and then went outside and forgot to put him back in his cage.

Great!!!!! Can a crab run away from home? Guess what I will be doing tonight.....



I have been talking to a guy I used to go to high school with and it is really cool to have someone over the age of 16 to talk with. We haven't actually met again face to face mainly on the phone and some e-mail. But it seems all of our conversations end up on sex. Now I realize that he is 34 and this is still a big deal to the male species at this age, but there should be more for any type of relationship? I mean even a friendship has to have something other then "sex talk".

Everytime I tried to change the subject, ie Terry S. In Florida, what do you think. It started with quality of life and then went to quality of life needs sex. Just very odd. But, at least we talk. Which is more than some married couples do. He is very concerned with the well being of his daughter so I am thinking that this is just a front to make sure that he doesn't get hurt again.

Maybe I have read too many books and I have this happily ever after romance in my mind that will never happen. I know there has to be a happy medium out there somewhere.
I guess I just needed to actually type this out and get it out of my system. I think I think too much. I know nothing has happened yet and there is a good chance it might never happen. I just don't want to make another bad choice when it comes to relationships. So I will be over analyzing and re-analyzing every encounter.

I wish there was a menu for "your perfect mate" and you could order him. Knowing my luck they would be sold out of mine....!!!!


Child Support/Visitation Issues

I am a true believer in both parents helping raise the children. But, things like divorce happen!!!

I think that both parents should, in a perfect world, be part of everything in the child's or children's life. Meaning school activities, doctor's visits, sporting events and anything else that comes along. But they should also be part of the financial responsibility, being a good role model and the discipline plan.

Of course this rarely happens. In my situation, my two younger boys' dad wants to be a part of their life but we are to cater to him. He doesn't have a car, has never paid child support and has been in and out of jail for the past 3 years with the possibility of going to prison. So, if the boys want to see him, I have to drive down to his trailer (gross and dirty), pick him up and bring him back to my house. I will not leave the boys with him due to the environment, lack of transportation in case of an emergency and his past actions. But, I was allowing visitation and not receiving child support.

His actions around the boys proved to be a bad influence (for lack of a better phrase). Ashton, my 7 year old, has been greatly affected by his father's paranoia. He would not take a bath by himself or go into a room by himself. After 18 months of counseling, he is on the mend. So what to do?? Allow visitation again and risk my children's mental health or say no?

Legally, he has visitation rights even if he doesn't pay child support. I don't agree with this. If you want to be a part of your child's life you should be a part of their whole life not just the fun stuff. If you want to be a parent you can't be just half of one, it's not fair to the child. His view point is that he should have to pay to see his kids and he refuses to give me money just because he slept with me. (I rephrased this due to foul language on his part).

I am seriously considering supervised visitation with Ashton's counselor present. And then he will have to pay the councelor bill for the visitation.

Any suggestions????

Conscience Vs. Quality of Life

Quality of life has a lot to be said for it. When they pulled the feeding tube from Terry S. in Florida, she really didn't have a great quality of life. BUT, was it right to make her sit there and starve to death while the world watched?

Yes,she had extreme brain damage, but they don't know what she could actually feel. I would have extreme issues with watching one of my children or my brother starve to death. I feel for her parents in that matter. But, 15 years of just laying in a bed unable to communicate or move or feed yourself or even be aware of your existence. This is no way to live and no way for her family to remember her. So in this respect, I feel for her husband.

Can you tell I have extremely mixed emotions on this one?



I am the Fool and not just in April

Here it is April Fool's day and I am the one feeling like the fool.

I have realized that I went way overboard on this internet friend I finally met in person. I don't know why I do this. I tend to make mountains out of mole hills. But at least now I realize it and hopefully I will not continue this obsession.

The police did nothing about EX2 and the warrant. If it were me, I would of been in jail before the ink on the judge's signature was dry.

Weekend plans are Yard Work!!!! Yeah!!! If the weather is still nice. I need to do the grass seed thing and pull some weeds.

What are your weekend plans?