EX2: Bench warrant -- I WAS A NARK

Well, I checked the court site today to see if there was any news on my EX2. It showed a bench warrant for failure to appear on the 29th.

He called today asking about the boys and if he could see them. I told him not until he is done with all the court and jail stuff. Then he told me that he might not have to go to prison, he might get drug court instead and he will be able to stay out of jail. (my eyes crossed at this). Ashton is finally getting back to normal since there has been no visitation and I don't want his little world turned upside down again. I asked him where he was he said he was at home today but he had been staying in Aztec helping a friend.

Well, after about 2 hours of trying to decide, I finally (with the help of a on-line pal) decided to call the police dispatch and tell them where he was at. I called and the dispatcher was way cool. Took down his address and stuff and then asked me if he had any guns or knives I knew of. Then I got to tell her about his 4 boot knives two shoulder (holster) knives and all the other ones.

I am not sure if I called to be vindictive or if I called to do the right thing. Probably vindictive.

Any input???? What would you of done?



Well, maybe no more for at least a week. I have watched "A Walk to Remember" "Hope Floats" and "Wedding Planner" and the worst of all "Return to Me" so far this week. And now I am a emotional weirdo.

I don't know why I do this to myself. Not to mention what it does to my kids when they see their mother walking around the house all night crying for no reason. Am I the only one this happens too??

I even cried during Open Range and its a Western!!!!!!

I guess I am living my non-existent love life thru chic flics. I guess it's better than catching a cootie from some guy or worse....(I just can't say the "m" word)

Well, good night blog town.

Does On-Line Love Happen??

Well, I was a silly girl over my mini-vacation and I met a guy I have been talking to over the internet on and off for 19 months. At first I was really excited, then nervous and then I went thru the "he won't show" deal.

We actually did meet, but not as planned. When he called we were in the Rainforest Cafe and he said he would call back in about an hour cause it was so noisy in there. Well, 4 hours past and no call so I figured I screwed it up. Then about 6:15 pm that evening, he called and said he had been called out. I was at the outlet mall not too far from him so he came and stood in line with me and we talked. It was so cool and it actually went well.

He has never given me his phone number due to his traveling and working at odd times. This kinda freaked me out at first but now I think it's cool, I can't be blamed for not calling. Of course this also means I am kinda at his beckon call. He lives in Las Vegas, NV and works mainly in Southern Calif. and I live in NM, so there is the long distance issue there.

I guess I am just elated that I met someone who is semi normal and likes me as I am. But, I am also double thinking everything due to my past track record of sucky man choices. Could a relationship actually be established from this?? I know it has happened but I also know it has failed.




I always think that people don't answer their phone when I call cause they know it's me..... I know, get over myself.

I had so much fun today, when my ex-husband called 3 different times from 3 different numbers (none of them his) and I didn't answer. HA-HA.

I know I am evil, but I refuse REFUSE I SAY, to let him ruin anymore of our holidays or special events. He called when we were in Phoenix and I wanted to say "We are in Phoenix and you're not cause your white trash". But I couldn't because then he would know that I wasn't home and he would most likely do something to my house or rob it, tag it or something.

I read on the court website that he has violated his probation by not paying the fees and he has a court appearance on the 29th. He will probably smuze his PO and get off with no punishment, this usually happens. Then, supposedly on the 11th of April he gets his prison sentencing. I will believe it when he is behind bars. He always gets out of everything. I guess that is why he is always doing bad things because he really doesn't get punished. GO FIGURE.

Well, I'm off to do more laundry, Go Team!!

We Survived Spring Break and So Did Arizona

Well, another spring break has passed and this year we went to Phoenix. I had been thinking about going to Phx for a while but I had a great motivator this time, I met a guy I had been talking to on the internet for over 2 years!!!! And believe it or not, he has teeth, a job, he bathes regulary and doesn't have one of those voices that makes you want to stuff pillows in your ears. The meeting didn't go as planned due to the fact that he was there on work. He got called out on an extra job and then the 2 hour job he was there for ended up taking over 8 hours. But we did get to meet briefly while he stood in line with me at the JCPenny outlet store check out line. It was a very long line so we got to talk for about 30 minutes. I really like him. The only thing bad about finally meeting someone, if it goes well, is that you miss them. But life will go on.

The boys and I went to Phx via the Grand Canyon, I've never been there, IT WAS SNOWING. It was still very beautiful, we only went by the South Rim but it was a site. We continued on to Flagstaff where we got lost, AJ was driving, and we turned around in the same parking lot 3 times. The final time he pulled in and stopped, got out and told me I was driving. I was laughing so hard that it took me a minute to catch my breath and get out of the car.

We finally made it out of Flagstaff and towards Phx, I called my friend and told her we were headed to her house and got the beginning of the directions when Alec had to go to the bathroom again (I stress AGAIN). So we got off the interstate and believe it or not we were close to our hotel. So I went in to check if we could check in 1.5 hours early and we could. So we got checked in and unloaded the car the boys disappeared to the pool and I called my friend and told her would would meet later I didn't think I could get the boys back in the car so soon.

She lives in Mesa and we were staying in Downtown Phoenix. So when it was time to head to her house I got some of the directions and we headed out. She called about 45 minutes later and asked where we were.....We had just turned the corner and we were in Glendale. After we both stopped laughing and about 20 minutes I was on the interstate headed the right direction. We finally reached her house and Alec wouldn't stop crying. We then headed to Chuck E. Cheese. This is a very parent friendly kid place. I really like the way they stamp everyone in your party's hand so no one can take your kid. And they actually have pretty good pizza.

Next day we invaded Arizona Mills Mall. Oh My Gosh, it was so cool. We had our first experience with the Rain Forest Cafe. Another OMG!!!! Not only was is an awesome atmosphere, but it had GREAT food a bit price but hey, you have to pay for all that jungle stuff some how. This was the day my friend met me at the mall.:))

Friday, Good Friday, we met my friend "E" at the zoo. I love zoos. It was kinda crowded but the zoo was big enough to handle it. Now, she has two boys one 4 and one 14 and I have 3 boys 16, 7 and 3.5. We were very loud!!!!! After exhaustion and tired of my Alec crying non stop I went and rented one of those two driver bikes. The two teens were in the front and the 3 little boys in the back and "E" and I walked behind laughing at them. I am sorry if you were one of the people that the boys ran off the path!!! They did come down one hill back to us with the two big boys laughing and smiling and you hear 3 little boys in the back screaming "MaMa and Slow Down". Skid marks all over Phx Zoo!!!! But they had a blast. The only bad thing about zoos--everything is so expensive-- They know they have you -- and they make you pay dearly.

Saturday, my mom called at 700am wanting to know if we had left yet. We weren't even up yet. Then she called at 800am, 900am and 1000am. I turned off my phone after that so then she called AJ's at 1100am. (hee-hee). We were in no rush to leave and we stopped by another mall and looked for a Toys-r-Us. Found the mall but no Toys-R-Us. We headed home around 1200n.

We had a great Spring Break -- I apologize to Phoenix for Invading, but we will be back!!!!


That Really Cute, Cool and Popular Guy from High School

I have having a flash back from "Never Been Kissed".

There was this guy, when I was 12 that was so cute. I was in a girls youth group with his older sister and we had a slumber party at her/his house. I just sat there all night long and watched him flirt with the older girls and play pool.

Then, when I was a sophomore he was a senior and completely unapproachable by one such as me. Yet, when ever he saw me he would always give me a hug and or course this just strengthened the crush I had on him. After high school he kinda disappeared and I got married. About 4 years later, I was divorced and at the country bar (embarrassing I know) and he was there. Except this time I was older and I had boobs!!!!

I talked to him and he flirted, this of course stoked the old crush fires. He promised he would dance the next slow dance with me, 13 years later I still haven't danced with him.

Anyway, I ran into him at the store the other day and he, or course hugged me. Oh my gosh he smelled so good. Let me give you a visual of this guy. He is about 6'3" with about a 53" inch chest. He has gotten kinda chunky, but I have gotten way chunky to put it mildly. Beautiful round brown eyes and he has a cowboy mustache. Handlebar mustache I think is what it is called. He makes it all work and I don't like mustaches. Anyway, he gave me his business card with his e-mail address and phone numbers on it.

I e-mailed him a few days later and told him it was nice running into him, since we have chatted. I have even called on his cell phone, but I always feel like I am bothering him. He has never said anything of the sort, I guess it's just the vibe I get.

He has never been married and doesn't have any kids, makes me wonder Why??? I don't think he is gay or at least I hope he is not.

I just wonder if I will ever be able to be around him and not feel like a stupid teenager.


It is Snowing on the First Day of Spring

It's been a while since my last post. I have been getting ready for our trip to Phoenix and, believe it or not, I have actually been working. I know you are as shocked as I am but it can happen to you too, so be prepared.

Pictures from yesterday:
(I am still waiting for them to send or load or something)

Today is March 20th the birthday of my ex-husband and father of my two youngest sons. The boys haven't seen their dad in over two weeks and they are really doing great. Ashton isn't afraid to take a bath alone any more. He has been scared that someone will come in and take him for the last 4 months since their dad started visiting them again. Alec is minding better and better ever day. While he had visitation with Michael, he would go into screaming fits for no apparent reason. No more nightmares from either boy, so I am thinking all is getting better in the land of Oz.

My divorce papers say, "visitation is allowed when the custodial parent (me) deems is safe and appropriate. I originally stopped visitation due to the suggestion of Ashton's counselor. She wanted to see if there was a difference in his behavior. There was a great difference. She said that Michael's paranoia was bleeding thru to Ashton and causing him to be frightened again. Ashton has been in counseling for over a year and he was doing great until his dad stepped back into the picture.

Since Michael will be going to prison within the next month, I thought it would be wise not to get the boys used to him and then have him disappear again.

My greatest fear is that he will come over unannounced. I fear for my safety as well as the safety of my boys. Every parent has the fear of their children being stolen, but I have the fear of their dad stealing them and I will never see them again. When he did have overnight visitation, he did not take care of the boys. They would come home after spending one night with their dad and eat enough for 6 people and then sleep for about 2 days. Every time I would go to the judge to change visitation or complain about him not paying child support, she would just give him more visitation time. Some justice system.

So today, I appear to be calm and busy cleaning the house while on the inside I am a nervous wreck. Every time the dog barks I jump and make sure all the doors are locked. I have been carrying the phone around with me everywhere I go for the last 2 days, just in case.

I am ready for Calgon to take me away to Phoenix!!!!!!!


Shopping etiquette

I braved Wal-Mart this afternoon with my two young boys. I usually go about 7am and leave the two youngest with their older brother to sleep in, but I didn't get up in time this morning so we all had to make the trip.

It was about 3pm when we got to the superstore overly full parkinglot. I dreaded going in, but we were out of almost everything.

Suprisingly enough there were 3 baskets left when we got in the doors, so I grabbed one and headed in. The door greeters were there and this lady stopped right in the middle of the door entry way to talk to them. She was just chit chatting, not returning anything. So, we wait. Well, 3 year olds don't wait that well and he took off thru the crowd so I had to say excuse me about 800 times as I pushed my way thru the crowd trying to catch him.

After finally getting in the store we make a right and start in the Health and Beauty Aids. First turn is the shaving isle. Why do they stock the shelves with baskets on a Saturday Afternoon???? This wal-mart employee had two baskets full of stuff she was putting on the top shelf, the over stock shelf. She was taking up half of the isle not to mention 2 needed baskets. There are two baskets behind me trying to get down the isle and one trying to come the other way. I pull over so the opposite lady can get thru and the man behind me pushes by and hits my basket and almost runs over my 7 year old and then hits the basket of the other lady. Then, he stops right in the middle and leaves his basket goes and starts looking at razors. I think he did it just to be irritating cause he didn't get anything after we some how got the cluster fixed he just walked off. I so wanted to be a rude man at that moment and go up and punch him in the mouth. But instead, I just said to my boys "that was rather rude, don't you think".

We start around the corner at the back isle the one with the female products and there is another basket in the middle of the road but this one with out a driver. So, I causally look around for a few, but we really need to keep going. So, I move the basket over a little bit and she comes out of another isle and yells at me "Don't take my Basket". I apologized and told her I just need to get by. She gave me this go to hell look so I just shrugged my shoulders and kept going. If I had been her in the same situation I would of apologized to the other person for leaving my basket unattended.

Isn't there a book of shopping etiquette? Or maybe just a quick mandantory class in manners?? Is it more fun to be rude and inconsiderate?


EX2: Child Support -- lack of

Today I am venting about the New Mexico Child Support Enforcement Division and my EX2.

In May of 2003, we went to domestic violence court, (if you have never been to one of these, it has more drama than a soap opera) and the court order him to pay $750.00 child support for both boys. We both agreed and signed the form and left. Well, when May 23, 2003 came around (due date for the first support payment) he gave me $300.00 and said he would give me the rest in 2 weeks and then pay me every two weeks there after. I said okay and wrote him his receipt.

I received the next and last support payment of $ 300.00 on September 12, 2003.

In March, 2004 our divorce was final and the judge awarded me $1, 114.00 per month child support based on my ex-husbands wages. I have yet to receive any monies. I went to NM Child Support Enforcement Division and filled out my paperwork and handed them all the legal documents that they could possible need. They set up my case and attempted to collect. Everything I would tell them where he was working, it would take them about 3 weeks to send out a verification letter. Not a wage withholding letter, but just a verification. Then, the employer was allowed 45 days in which to answer. Well, by the time they answered and the state got it processed, he had quit or been fired.

Now EX2 is on unemployment. I called NMCSED on January 11, 2005 and told them that he was on it. They finally sent out a letter on January 24, 2005 to verify this and of course NMED has 45 days in which to respond. Well, their 45 days was up on March 10, 2005 so I called today to get the progress report. No answer but NMCSED did send another letter on February 23, 2005 and now the Dept of Labor has another 45 days in which to answer.

Meanwhile, my EX2 is collecting $395.00 per week unemployment, not working, not paying child support, on probation for many crimes and just finished another trial in which he took a plea for up to 4.5 years in prison. So, he is costing me money from my taxes to pay for all this crap and he is not paying childsupport. I am a bit bitchy and I apologize, but it really irritates me.

I don't really understand why they don't check for owed child support before issuing unemployment. It's all the same government and to be honest they are both in the same building.

deep sigh -- I guess it's a good thing that I don't depend on the money or I would be in huge trouble.

Toodle Pip



The Planet of the Apes said it best, "You don't want a human going through puberty in your house".

I have a 16 year old son. He was blessed with a amazing gifts of agility and balance. Things seem to come easy for him. I had him when I was 18 and he was my parents first grand child and the only grand child for 9 years.

Let's face it, HE IS SPOILED.

My dad bought him his first vehicle when he was 14, 8 months before he could drive even with a permit. He got his permit in December, 2003. He got his driver's license in June, 2004. He got newer truck in December 2004. For that truck my dad cashed in some of his 401k plan. Because he didn't like the other truck.

Well, my darling thankless son just walked in and asked me if he could get a bigger car. He wants another new car. He doesn't have a job, he doesn't really work around the house unless I throw a fit and he doesn't even take care of his dog or his cat. So I yelled and told him no.

I wanted him to have a small vehicle for several reasons. Number one reason, I didn't want him to have a lot of passenger's in his car at lunch or after school. It wasn't that long ago that I was in high school and I remember lunch hour. Second reason, he and his girlfriend have been together for almost 2 years I didn't want it to be a "shag wagon". Reason number three, fuel economy. I have to pay for two vehicles fuel now and I needed him to have one that didn't use much.

I know that I caused the spoiling. For the first nine years of his life, he was the light of mine. I remarried and he was the only kid. Then we had two more boys. So his attention diminished quite a bit. And , and, and...He is a teenager....aaaagggghhhhh.....

I will survive, but it will be a struggle.

Please pass the Paxil


My 16 Year Old Has A Better Love Life Than I Do!!!!

Another exciting Friday Night passed by and I am at home doing laundry. On a happier note, I have booked our hotel rooms for Phoenix and we will invade the city on the 23rd. We are going to the zoo, I hope my boys aren't too wild for the animals....I'm not exaggerating!!!!

I didn't hear anything from the courts about EX2 and the outcome of his trial. So, that will be continued on another blog.

My 16 year old is hanging out with his girlfriend tonight. They make a very cute couple and they get along pretty well. They get mad at each other but they don't yell or anything, the other one just tries to get a smile and then they make up. It seems they understand how relationships work. This terrifies me but also makes me very proud. My goal in raising my 3 sons is to make them into wonderful husbands and fathers. Something they haven't seen much of except, of course, for the example my father has set.

These two teens are very close and they look a lot alike. Some people ask me if she is my daughter. AJ is 5'11" and Niki is a whopping 4'11". They are both blonde haired and blue eyed. They do look really cute together.

For Niki's 16th birthday, I gave her a box of condoms as one of her presents. I attached a note that said----

I'm not saying that you two do
But, I don't want to become a Grandma
Before I am Forty-Two

They laughed but took the hint.


EX2: Pre Court Drama

My EX2 called last night to see if he could come by and see the boys. (we have 2 together). I told him sure but you need to have them drop you off here cause I can't go get you.
He doesn't have a vehicle because he didn't know you had to pay for a vehicle while
you were going thru a divorce. So the vehicle we owned together was repo'd about
1 year ago.

So he said okay, but I have my guitars, I told him okay but you can't play them while you are here. (last time he came to visit the boys, he played his guitar the whole time cause I have electricity and he can plug his amp in) He went "Ohhhh, okay".

So about an hour later he showed up. Dirty uncombed hair, nose piercing with goobers hanging off of it and clothes he had probably worn for about a week straight. (When I married him, he was never dirty and refused to get dirty.)

He came and of course the boys are too excited to see him. He goes in their room and sits on their bed and talks to them for about 10 minutes and then asks me if he can talk to me. I said sure and we went to the kitchen. He said that he will be going to court on Friday and the DA offered him a plea of max 4 years in prison and min of 18 months. If he didn't take the plea then they would proscute him to the full extent which would be 21 years. This is all for writing bad checks, which he didn't know was a crime. He didn't know that it was illegal to write checks to vendors on a closed checking account. And he claims to be a genius???? He then asked me to write a letter to the judge stating that he was a good father and that he needs a least a month with his kids before he goes to prison. I just looked at him. (how does this dude walk with such big balls) I really didn't know what to say, I just turned away. This is the man who, in 2 years, has not paid one month of child support to help me with our sons. This is the man that, when he kicked us out of our house in December, told me to "go to hell" when I asked for our sons' winter coats. This is also the man that pulled a automatic pistol on me while I was in my car with our boys in the back seat. He wants me to tell a judge that he is a good father!!!!!!!

I don't think so.........

I head back into the boys room and he says, I forgot I have counseling!!! I tell him no biggie, I will take him to his counseling. But, we had to stop by his house on the way to drop off his guitars. So I did. The boys hugged him good-bye and when headed home.

uugghhhh.....my taste in men needs tutoring lessons.

He called this morning to tell me that he is really sorry for all of the horrible things he did to me. I told him I forgave him along time ago, but I cannot forget them. He said he doesn't know why the DA won't just let him payback the checks, I said maybe it's because you don't have a job and you haven't had a job in over 18 months!!!!

Once again "Oh..."

Then he said he was looking into going to college while in prison. Then he will have the education he needs to turn his life around. I told him whatever flips his switch. This statement of his really irritated me. Here I am working 60+ hours a week to support myself and my 3 sons. He doesn't pay child support and doesn't work. He is on unemployment and on probation for the gun episode and now he is going to prison and he is going to get a college education!!!!!!!! I guess crime does pay in some ways, but I don't want to find out!!!!


Turn up the violin music and pass the cheese!!

I am in a state of confusion.

I just went to my high school alumni site to check out my old class mates. Basically to see if there were any updates or anything.

I see the name of this girl, who in high school was dumb and horrible. I mean she was rude, cruel and just flat out ugly. But, her parents had money so she was popular. Not the way the really cool people are but they put up with her.

Anyway, she went to college and got her degree. Married a very rich guy and she has never had to work a day in her life. I know, I'm jealous. It just doesn't seem fair that this happens. I am happy for her, but it always seems that those who have get more and those who do not just keep working to get by.

I wouldn't trade my kids for the world or any amount of money, but why can't these wonderful chances happen for me??? or do they happen and I am so scared and busy trying to survive that I don't see them??

Why are some meant to have everything and other meant to have just enough or almost enough? I know in the bible it says that God will make sure we have what we need, but how come others get more then they can ever use or appreciate?

Am I whining??? YES I AM WHINING!!!!!!!!!


Still Trying to Cut the Umbilical Cord at 35 Years Old

I will be 35 years old in May. I live in the same town as my parents which is also the same town I was born in. We live about 10 minutes apart.

During and after my divorce my sons and I lived with my parents. I am very thankful that they were there to help, please don't get me wrong.

Last night, I arrived home at 5:23 pm after picking up my two sons from daycare. My oldest son was already home. At about 6:00 pm we decided to go to Wal-Mart. So we all piled into my Santa Fe and headed across town. We finished our Wal-Mart adventure and were headed to the car and my cell phone rang. It was my mom, "Don't do this to me, where are you??". I told her we were at Wal-mart and she continued to interrogate me as to the details of my adventure.

I politely answer several of her questions and then tell her my phone battery is going dead and I have to go. She tells me to call her when I get home. I just sigh and put my phone back in my purse.

I was raised to respect my parents, I mean they are "your parents". They have always been there for me in times of sadness and joy. But, isn't there a time when you are an adult in their eyes?

I have my own house and pay all of my own bills. I talk to my mother at least twice a day on the phone and we go over and visit on the weekends. But it seems like I still have to ask permission to leave my own house.

EX1 - The Wedding

Okay, a little bit of history on EX1

I am a single/divoriced mother of 3 wonderful boys. I have been married twice. My first marriage was to a man 6 years older than me that I was dating in high school. Yes you guessed it, I got pregnant in high school. I became pregnant in February of my senior year. I was able to hide my pregnancy until September. I didn't go to the doctor or anything, stupid, stupid girl!!! Anyway, my parents found out on September 3, 1988 and we were married September 6, 1988. Man, when my parents get motivated, they get motivated. My plans were not to marry him, let's call him EX1, but to move to Albuquerque, have the baby and work for a travel agency.


My mother wouldn't have it, the baby had to have a name, so I married EX1. We had our small wedding at my parents house in the front room with a few family members. I wore a nice cotton dress and my husband to be, wore cowboy boots, 501 jeans and a blue t-shirt with a pocket and his ball cap. Such a romantic he was. What was I thinking!!!! Okay, married and we had cake, a mini reception, and guess what--My dad pulls out a huge cooler full of beer!!! What was HE thinking!!!! I guess this was my dowry or something. Here I am pregnant, just married watching my new husband get slobbering drunk. It's time to go and I grab my keys and he says no, he will take me to his home. Not our home, his home. My dad tells me to go even though I don't want to get in the car with a drunk driver. But, as a good daughter, I do what my parents tell me. Driving home in his jeep I can smell the beer on him, he reeks of it. We get to the house and he gets out and goes in. Doesn't open the door for me or hold the gate for me or help me with my bag or anything. It's about 10:30 pm so as I go in and go to the bathroom and get ready for bed. He gets in his recliner and pulls out another case of beer from the fridge and starts watching TV. I come out of the bathroom and stand in the hall way, he looks up and says. If you're tired, go to bed, don't wait for me.

So, my dream of a wonderful honeymoon is shattered.

But, I suck it up and put on a smile and say "Good Night, I love you". No response. So I turn and go to bed. Cry for a while and then go to sleep.