PeeBugg Press: September 2005

9/30/2005

Yep, he is gonna be a breast man!!!!

Went shopping for home coming clothes for AJ last night. Niki needed a strapless bra for her dress and her mom won't help her, so I was helping.....with 3 boys in tow.

Now AJ and Ashton are being typical little boys and poking in all the padded bras and giggling, then moving on to the next one.

Alec on the other hand is going around feeling them, then on a really silky one he put his face on it and rubbed and said..."mmmmmmmmmmm" with eyes closed and a huge smile on his face.

It was so cute, why didn't I have my digital camera????? What a great photo opportunity!!!!

When I have my cotton pj's on and he wants to sleep with me, he goes and opens my drawer and gets a silky gown out and hands it to me and says "put on". then after I have changed he snuggles up on the built in pillows and is off to dream land......

HE IS STARTING VERY EARLY!!!!

But, his wife will always have nice lingerie!!!!

Oprah Stuns Audience With Free Man Giveaway

WHY DO I NEVER HAVE TICKETS FOR THESE THINGS???

Oprah Stuns Audience With Free Man Giveaway
September 21, 2005 Issue 41•38
CHICAGO—The season premiere of The Oprah Winfrey Show unleashed a surprise for viewers Monday, when host Winfrey presented her studio audience with an unexpected gift: eligible men.

Winfrey presents the studio audience with men.
"Everybody gets a man! Everybody gets a man!" said Winfrey, almost drowned out by cries of disbelief as 276 men, one for every member of the studio audience, filed onto the Oprah set.
Hoping to top last year's season-debut surprise, when members of the studio audience received free cars, Winfrey watched elated as the men knelt before their awestruck new mates and delivered gallant kisses and professions of undying affection.
"Signed, sealed, delivered... they're yours!" Winfrey said.

for the rest of the story...click ........................................HERE

9/29/2005

24 hours and still mouse free

ALL RIGHT!!!!

N0 mice in the traps and no traps stripped of their goodies (in a non-perverted way of course).

So now what do I write about????

How about what I have learned from this adventure:

1. There is never just ONE mouse.
2. Medium to Dark colored towels are never the same after bleach.
3. When bleached, medium-dark colored towels become oddly shaded towels.
4. Never, I repeat, Never let a teenager play with ammonia.
5. Chunky peanut butter is stickier than smooth peanut butter (Thank you, Phil)
6. Glue traps really suck--but they make good photo opportunities!!!!
6A. why would you go to all the trouble to catch a mouse to set it free??
7. I can still scream like a girl if the situation dictates it.
8. Always look in the towel closet before just reaching in and grabbing a towel.
9. Testosterone does affect the brain, even at the age of 4 years.
10. A mouse problem, if looked at in the right perspective, can offer days of entertainment for
boys and makes for great blogging material.
11. I know I am not the only person that has ever had a mouse in their house. Too many people
could relate to what I was going through.
12. Drama Mama still thinks I'm not all there....(did I check the washer for floating body
parts...8 times thank you very much!!!!!)
13. My teenager watches way to much TV and should probably be a comedian. His
commentary on his mouse destruction was quite entertaining. And I didn't even catch any
cuss words.

And to quote Alec....

I HATE......I HATE MOUSES!!!

9/28/2005

"Die Nazi Rodent!!!!"

That is what I heard when I walked in the door last night. This is what happens when a 16 year old boy is left alone at home with mice. He updated me on the situation. Both traps had been licked clean. Dang Them....

So we implemented Phil's plan. I spent at least 5 minutes removing the chunks from the chunky peanut butter. Stole 2 pieces of dog food from the bowl and reset the traps.

One on top....

(yes that is a Joe's Crab Shack drink shaker you see in the back ground. From our trip to Denver 2 years ago. It is great to store the thermometer and the medicine dispensers.)

(One of my few drinking experiences....drank about 1/4 of it and then dumped it out and kept the container......I'm such a cheap date)

And then.....one on bottom.....

AJ thought it was a good idea to surround it with glue traps and then he put a few pieces of dog food in each glue trap!!! He is getting into this way too much!!! Kinda scaring me.

(Note: I need to get that TP tube out of there when it is vermin free)

Not 10 minutes later....he checks the traps!!!! the bottom one is licked clean!!!!! How the Heck did they do that........

I NOW DECLARE WAR!!!!!

No more Ms. Nice Human......

I am thinking of Phil's plan. He is used to dealing with modern surfer mice, I must have redneck small town mice. SSSOOOOOOOO

I get out the good ole cheese.....it's gotta work...doesn't it. I mean it always does on TV!!!

Now this is what I'm talkin' about.......DEATH TO RODENTS!!!!! Down with Rat-Flu!!!!!!

OH HELL YEAH!!!!!!

About an hour later...........

Oh look honey.....it's twins!!!!!

All right a 2fer

AJ now being a so called "pro" at the glue trap deal.....thought he would "gas" them. So he poured ammonia on them. (WTF....you should listen to your mother!!!!!) Not 30 seconds after he pour the ammonia he came running through the house scream they are getting away, the ammonia is loosening the glue...DUH!!!!

He gets the tongs from the shed and I hand him a ziplock bag on his way back through. Mice safely bagged!!!! Then they take them outside to supposedly throw them away. But noooooooooo, they have to stab them about 100 times each with wooden ka-bob sticks. They were so excited about doing that. I am so glad I am not male....eeeeewwwwwww gag me with a spoon!!!!

Now these were babies compared to the other two we caught.

Is there a whole famn damily of them under my house????

Okay....about 4:47 am ...I hear "SNAP"!! the dogs bark their heads off. Cool another one I am thinking....then another "SNAP" twins again???

TRAP HOG!!!!

Well, I guess he made up for the 2fer earlier!!

And you thought I was kidding about the tongs, didn't you!!!

Tune in next time for the conclusion (hopefully) same mouse time....same mouse channel

9/27/2005

MY BATHROOM IS POSSESSED!!!!

THEY ARE WATCHING YOU!!!

I get home last night and go into the bathroom to wash my hands, no hand towel (fricken fracken boys!!) I open the Temple of Terror towel closet door and there is a evil beady eyed rodent mouse creature staring at me. This time I scream, I am beyond a squeal or a squeak... I look around for something to do something to it with. so I grab the long neck dinosaur (yeah for boys this time) out of the bathtub and throw it at the non moving, staring, heebie jeebie giving mouse. It runs into my neatly folded and freshly washed towels. AAAGGGHHHHH!!!!

I can't see him, I am not going to touch that pile to see if he is there....nope not gonna happen. So I slam the door as hard as I can, just to make sure I at least give him a headache and I leave the bathroom. Go to the kitchen, grab a glass of ice tea and calm down. Must think, what to do, fire? no too permanent. Chemicals? no have kids and animals. Gun? (cool thought) no, too noisy..city councilwoman lives next door. Water??? Now that is a good thought but the fear of mold damage overwhelmed me so that's out.

Okay, I put on my rubber gloves, slam my ice tea, and head for the "bathroom" the temple of evil in my house.

In this room of horrors, I have had a centipede crawl up my leg and a spider in my bathwater. Now, I have a colony of evil mice. I am starting to hate the bathroom. I'm a girl...I should have a pretty, pink and happy bathroom; not a dark bathroom where evil awaits you.

I go in and open the door to the towel closet, no sign of the enemy. I notice that he has left rements of his visit on my nice clean towels. So I take the tongs and scoot them into a kitchen garbage bag. Still no sign of evil. I take the bag outside and on the back pourch I set it down and start jumping up and down on it. I just wanted to make sure that evil wasn't hiding the in there. Nope, nothing ran out or squealed, the neighbor looking out her kitchen window did look at me funny.

Go back in the house turn the washing machine on hot, if I had a higher setting like "Too damn Hot" I would of used it. Pour 1/2 a bottle of Clorax bleach in the water, double laundry soap and of course my "April Fresh" downey. Dump in the towels and shut the lid, head back to the the den of doom. Took out the bottom shelf and looked at the trap...empty and not set off. This mouse is a professional. I put the bottom shelf in the other closet and I get to work. Reset trap with double peanut butter and I put 4 glue traps down there too just in case. then I pour more ammonia on the sponge. So, now I have on latex gloves, have poop tongs in my hand and my eyes are watering.

I close the closet door, I think I should of crossed myself or something for good luck. But, I'm not Catholic so I didn't. I had to open the window above the tub due to fumes and then I closed the bathroom door.

I was pretty proud of myself. I only screamed once!!!! I slept somewhat okay, no mouse dreams thank goodness.

Get up in the morning and check the trap....the PEANUT BUTTER is gone again. Tonight I am going to use Phil's suggestion and see what happens.

9/26/2005

Boys are so weird

We seemed to have a mouse living in our bathroom, more specifically the towel closet. So about a week ago I put one of those glue traps in there, the box says they work. Well the first week it did catch about 4 crickets but no mouse. So I broke down and bought those evil snap your neck traps, I just don't like those things.

Loaded it with peanut butter and put one up high and one down low. The next morning the one up high, never touched. But the one down low....set off, right side up and no peanut butter..... Hmmmmm sneaky mouse. Is there mouse school that teaches them how to dis arm the traps??? If so , this mouse should of gotten an A+.

As I was retrieving the trap I noticed a rather large hole where a pipe comes in the house. Ah-ha the secret passage entry way. So I stuffed a huge sponge in it, and then poured ammonia on the sponge so the little mouse darling creature wouldn't enjoy eating the sponge. I tried to find steel wool at the grocery store, but they don't carry it any more and I didn't want to brave wal-mart on the weekend.

So, new trap down low and glue trap with cricket decorations down low and trap up high. Within 2 hours I check the trap and there is one in it....eeewwwwwww Mouse corpse. I didn't check the glue trap. Since AJ helped me in this adventure and he was rather excited to get a dead mouse, I have no idea why, I waited till he got home to dispose of it so he could see it.

So he gets home and I tell him. I get the disposable gloves, I don't want the "rat-flu", and the dog poop tongs...we have rocks...and I head for the bathroom. He says, no I want too. I just don't get it...but okay. He gets the flash light and spots the mouse corpse then he squeals. There is another one in the glue trap. "And he is still alive!!!!" oh gross, I never thought of how to dispose of a live mouse when I bought the glue traps. GREAT!!!

He reaches the tongs in to get the dead mouse and the other mouse squeals. AJ squeals, by now the other two have joined the fun and are squealing as well. I have 3 boys in a small bathroom squealing and all trying to fit in a closet opening about as wide as a milk crate.

AJ gets the dead mouse out and we put it in the trusty wal-mart bag, tie it like 12 times and head for the outdoor dumpster. Whew, one down and one to go. I hear screaming from the bathroom. Oh no...what now. AJ tried to pick up the glue trap with the tongs and the mouse kinda moved and squealed even more. Great now it's a game of make it squeal and the big kid is the worst. I tell him to just pick up the trap and put it in the bag. Well he tried and the mouse moved and AJ screamed and dropped the trap with mouse still in tact. So, I tell him to get a new trap and open it and snap it on the mouse's neck to kill it quickly so we can get it out of the house. This should work, in theory.

Well, AJ in all the excitement of getting to be the Executioner AJ missed the neck and snapped it's rear area. Then the mouse really squeaked, AJ squealed, Ashton and Alec squealed and then they all squealed together. (what are the neighbors thinking?). AJ tries to remove the trap, mouse tries to bite him...guess what???

Yep, he squealed...like a girl I might add.

So finally after me yelling and mouse trying to bite him he picks up the trap with the mouse and the other trap and we get it in a wal-mart bag, I tell him to get it in the trash quickly. Well he takes it outside and starts spinning the bag above his head to torture the poor mouse just one more time and a cricket falls out and hits him in the neck. He jumped, squealed and let go of the back which hit the cinder block wall. He is dancing around thinking the mouse is on him, but the cricket is stuck to his collar and keeps touching his neck. After I finished laughing I picked up the wal-mart bag and threw it away.

I need a video camera for these times of boyness.

9/25/2005

I'm Lost, Can you help me?

I just can't seem to figure out or find where I fit in. Logically you would think I would fit in at the church I grew up in and was baptized. Well, I am not rich so there is one strike against me. I am 35 and have kids so I can't really do the singles class, I am not mental and vindictive so I can't do the divorce class. I am divorced so I can't do the couples class. I could go to the old lady's class but I'm not on oxygen and I don't wear "depends" undergarments. Although they do have the best cookies and muffins in the morning. My parents go to the same church and of course they have to talk to all of their friends about my horrible marriage and all the gruesome details. So when I walk into the congregation part of the church, I have heard the nice people in my parents class say "that poor girl, and with 3 boys too". Great....gossip pity....that is always a cheerer-upper.

I do have great friends, but most of them have wised up and moved away. I try to hang with them when I can.

Let's try work.....I'm not going to the Methodist Church and I'm not a man so that pretty much cuts out management. I don't drink or like to talk about performing oral sex so that rules out the biker chick. I have not, nor would I ever if I had one, cheat on my husband so that rules out the biker chick again. I'm 11 years older than the newbie and I don't deal well with whiners. I really don't think dating with co-workers is a good idea. So work is out in all forms.

Let's try the social atmosphere of Farmington. Don't believe in DUI's so that rules out most oilfield workers. Sad but true. I am allergic to smoke and don't like to drink so the bar scene and the bowling alley are out. I have tried the mall, but teenagers are a little young for me....hahahahaha. Glo-Golf is way cool though, you should try it. What about the classes I teach...now there should be an assortment there!!! Well, that is kinda like church. There have been a few people that I could socialize with while there, but our paths wouldn't cross in life under any other circumstance so that is kind of a one time deal.

The internet, now there is a large melting pot. I am not into cyber sex or watching people play with themselves on cam, so that pretty much rules out the personals. Although they are quite entertaining at times. There is the guy that after 14 months of me telling him I will not go over to his house and "just have sex" that is fun to talk to when I am bumming...but I am just saying "no, I'm sorry, I can't" all the time. What about all those guys from Mecca, South Africa, Egypt and Muslim countries that keep IM'ing me.......aaaaggghhhhhh... I am even invisible on Yahoo messenger and I still get them. I did have a first the other day. Tim and Jan on cam in phx. EEEWWWW.....bad visual.

I did try the other parents at Ashton's school. They avoid me like the plague. Ashton in all his emotional drama has told all the kids at school that his dad is in prison. And even though we were divorced when this happened it seems I am guilty for it as well.

It seems to me that I don't fit in anywhere. AJ is in his Jr. year of high school and is not even open to the idea of moving. But where would I move??? How would I move???? I guess I should put my resume on Monster.com and start looking.

Any ideas??

9/24/2005

One More Reason To Buy Your Produce!!!!

Getting ready to pull off some delicous green grapes from the vine in my back yard. Not really paying attention to the whole area around the grapes.....

I HATE THOSE THINGS!!!!!!

THEN IT LOOKS AT ME!!!!

They are such creepy bugs. AJ wasn't allowed to have one in his bug collection for school because they are almost extinct. But I see a ton of them, I know they are good for the plants...but they are bad for the dreams.

Do they bite??? AJ says they do others say they don't.....I don't want to find out first hand so I will just ask.

Have you ever seen them turn their head all the way around backwards.....excorist!!!!! I won't even mention the after sex party with these creatures......

HAPPY SATURDAY BLOG LAND......

MAY YOU NOT FIND ONE OF THESE RIGHT ABOVE YOUR BACK DOOR WAITING TO POUNCE!!!!

9/23/2005

Fricken Frackin Fridays

The last two Fridays have really sucked. I blamed last Friday on the full moon.... I haven't decided what to blame this Friday on......A yankee of a boss or an Akita with a sweettooth.

PREVIOUS SECTION DELETED TO HOPEFULL HELP ME KEEP MY JOB

As I walk up to my front door.......I see......

HMMMM....didn't think we spilt Skittles when we left this morning.......

AJ is selling candy for the Scorpion Hollarin' Band trip to Las Vegas this spring. I have been selling them at work too....

Very odd...

So I walk into the house.....and I see....

CAUGHT IN THE ACT.......

It seems she likes Starbursts much better than she likes Skittles. I am just thankful that none of the chocolate candy was in her reach or the next picture might be of a dead black and white.

Well, she ate almost 8 packs of the starbursts and 4 packs of skittles......She had a major sugar rush so I gave her a bunch of milk to help calm her down. She helped AJ sell some candy to me....and now I just have to worry about the end product in the yard and Alec thinking that it's candy...eeewwww...bad visual I know.....

BAD DOG...YOU ARE GOING TO GET CAVATIES!!!!!

My Version of the Tootsie Pop commercial

"Mr. Owl how many gallons of water does it take to rinse out 40 oz of Mr. Bubble??"

Yes you read right. Mr. Alec Bridges age 4 has committed the crime of wasting Mr. Bubble. I was folding laundry last night when he said he was going potty. About 8 minutes later I never saw him emerge from the "room of mess making opportunity" so I go and check on him. He claims he saw a beetle in the bathtub, so he got the brand new economy bottle of Mr. Bubble and poured it on the beetle....the whole bottle. Now he got this from me. I saw a spider in the bathroom the other day and I didn't have shoes on, so I grabbed the body wash and blobbed a little bit on him so he couldn't get away and would die. But I did not use the whole dang bottle..Just had to make that clear.

Alec did a very through job of applying the Mr. Bubble too. He took AJ's shower scrubbie scrunchi thingie and made sure that all the surface area of the bathtub got a nice thick coat of Mr. Bubble. When I came in I asked him what he was doing he just said "I hate bugs" and kept working. Needless to say, he got an extra bubbly bath last night.

Here is the funny-er part. I honestly thought I got it all rinsed out. This morning when AJ got up to take a shower, he didn't head my Mr. Bubble warning and turned on the shower and just jumped it. Then I hear a huge thud. I talk thru the door and ask him if he is okay. He said yes, but he found the spot I missed.

Poor guy, what a way to wake up.

9/22/2005

THE GOAT THEORY

In response to my previous post "Hack Up A Hairball" and Drama Mama's question, why isn't she fired that is a huge offense...

YOU ARE RIGHT!!!!!!!!

But, "The Goat Theory" is in play here. Let me explain this theory of mine. We all know people who have really nice jobs and we don't understand why they don't get fired. Either due to their attitude, lack of work ethic, not showing up, crappy performance and many others. Why do their employers keep them on board and sometimes even give them raises in the most disturbing circumstances. Why I ask you, Why??? The Goat Theory is why. The employee in question saw someone of some importance to the company "doing a goat". In other words, they have something on someone important. But it is much more fun to say "doing a goat".

Just after high school I worked for Mesa Airlines, a local commuter. I started in reservations and worked my way up to Assistant to the VP of Marketing. Way cool for someone under the age of 21, let me tell you. Everyone thought I was a product of the "Goat Theory" except, I didn't produce crappy work or have a bad attitude. I worked my keister off. I worked 60-70 hour weeks and I didn't socialize, I got a ton of work done. I applied for the Manager of Customer Service position which I was overly qualified. The VP of Customer Service called me into his office and chatted with me. He told me I would be perfect for the position if I was about 15 years older. I looked at him with the "deer in the headlights" look. He just laughed and came around to the same side of the desk I was on and said, let me tell you a secret.

"People are promoted by their inability."

I am sure I had this "WTF" look on my face, cause he chuckled again. This is how he explained it to me. When a company gets a really good worker in it's employment, it wants to keep that worker in the "working arena" because they know the job will get done and get done properly and quickly. When a company gets a "so-so" worker in it's employment, it has two choices fire them or move them to management. Most of them move to management then they quit because it's too much work and the company doesn't have to pay unemployment benefits. If you think about it, it makes sense.

Sad, but true.

Happy Thursday!!!

9/20/2005

Lack of sleep can be neat

First off...some of you might be wondering...WTF with the cowboy crap.....well here is the story. In my car for the little boys listening pleasure, I had the Wiggles tape. The food one with all the food songs on it. Anyway, a few weeks ago when we were up at Bar-D Chuckwagon, we got a Wrangler CD. It has 15 cowboy songs with the Bar D Wranglers performing them. The little boys love it, so the Wiggles have been replaced by old fashion cowboy music.

Next, last night around mid-night Alec calls down to me from his room via the baby monitor..."Mom, where are you?"

"I'm in bed sweetie"
"I need to talk"...and he headed down the stairs. He is four and he needs to talk?

He gets down stairs and stands beside my bed, I roll over on my side, prop myself up on my elbow and look at him and he starts talking about owls and pine cones. Pretty much his imagination was in over drive.

I ask him if he wants to get in my bed.

"Okay, can I still talk?"
"Sure baby, talk away." He talked about anything he could think of till about 2 am.

He is so cute.

He even got up in a semi-happy mood this morning.

9/18/2005

When Feeling Down--Head for Colorado

I was blah and decided I needed to get out of the house. I took the little boys to Durango Colorado.......who couldn't be happy up there????

There is an old cowboy song that says if God doesn't live in Colorado then he spends most of his time there. It is so beautiful. Hard to believe that only 45 miles away is desert.

Sunday confusion

I am overly whinny today, I apologize for all of those it effects. It actually started Friday, got much worse yesterday and now today should be the after shocks. I hope anyway.

I posted an awesome blog yesterday and now it's gone. My post details show that I updated yesterday but no blog....oh well. I don't want to rewrite it because it would just re whine me...hahaha....sad attempt at humor there.

I love this time of the year. It is cooling down and soon the colors in Colorado will be magnificent. I just can't wait. But it is also the time that Meth-Man did the most of his damage to me. I have learned that if I face my emotions instead of burying them deep inside they will eventually go away. Some of them already have. You would think after 3 years they would of diminished. I guess I am overly emotional....stop laughing......yes me. I know I claim to only have one feeling, that is all that I will acknowledge publicly. I use my sense of humor, usually sexually perverted, to get thru a lot.

Okay.....I'm done with the sob story.....Have a Happy Sunday Blogland!!!

9/16/2005

It seems like a Monday

I woke up sad this morning!!! and late.... I didn't get a call I was expecting last night...deep sigh....but as the cowboy says "pick up the shovel and dig another well"....meaning I guess I will survive. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will get to talk to that person this weekend.

After waking up late, I couldn't find one of my shoes. Looking everywhere, no shoe. Then I walk by the window in the front room and look out the window--"My Shoe" in the wet grass. Wet because the sprinklers just turned off.....Sydney!!!!!.....dang dog, if she wasn't so cute I might get mad.

So with one soggy shoe and one dry shoe the boys and I head off to daycare. I get out of the car and just about fall because I stepped on something slippery. I look down, a gross and disgusting wad of chewing tobacco is right there. AAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! I get Alec out of the car and as the boys walk I am dragging my foot like Quasimodo (I know I didn't spell that right) to the daycare door to get the stuff off of the bottom of my foot. We were too late for Ashton to take the daycare bus to school so I had to take him. No biggie, when I take him to school I get to stop by Dunkin' Donuts....Yummy

As we (Ashton and I) are walking back to the car, Ashton realizes that he forgot his backpack at the house. So we have to go back by the house on the way to his school. We actually get that task accomplished with no horrible thing happening.... I drop him off at school and he jumps out and shut the door, I start to drive off and I look in the back seat. He forgot his show and tell. So I honk my horn and he runs back to the car, opens the door and I point to his box. He smiles and grabs it and heads to the gym. He is such a good kid!!!!

Okay, "mom time", I head to DD. Long line, but I am hungry and stressed so I take my place in the drive-thru. I order and slowly move up. Get to the window, I even have exact change, maybe things are changing. I get my pepsi put the straw in it, but didn't drink it. Usually when I drink full cups in the car, I end up looking like I am lactating. The curse of having boobies. Anyway, get to work and find a parking spot.

Getting out of the car, I realize that I need to take in the candy I am selling for AJ's choir trip or it will melt. So here is your visual......purse, DD bag, two large boxes of candy with cardboard handles (yeah!!), large pepsi with straw in it. I get about 3/4 across the parking lot and my cell phone rings....HE IS CALLING!!!!!!....I freak and try to get to my cell phone....drop the DD bag and then my purse. Then......Then...Then...one of the handles of the candy boxes breaks and the box falls to the ground, opens and the candy goes everywhere. As if that weren't enough then I drop my pepsi right in front of my purse. Of course the lid comes off and it tips over and drowns my purse. And if that wasn't enough.....IT WASN'T HIM!!!!!!!!

sadness!!!!!

A shop worker takes pity on me and helps me in with my mess, I left the pepsi cup in the parking lot. I bought him a candy for helping me!!!!!

I think this is a good Calgon Moment!!!!

9/15/2005

Common Sense or Lack of

Since Saturday, I have been teaching some classes at the college. Saturday was an 8 hour Excel Module 1 class and Monday-Wednesday night was a Access Module 1 class. These are not academic classes, but classes offered to the community for CEU (continued education units or credits).

I love teaching, I enjoy the challenge of "getting through" to people and meeting people and learning from their lives or view on life. But sometimes I wonder how these people, all people not just in my classes, survive in life. How do they not get hit by buses??? How do they remember to breathe??? It seems that common sense is a rare gift from Above, very rare.

"Is this the surgical technician class?"
"No, this is Microsoft Excel Module 1 class."
"Am I in this class?"
"Did you sign up for an Excel class?"
"No, I signed up for surgical technician class?"
"Then you are not in this class."
"Are you sure"
"Yes, they don't let me play with scissors."
"Oh, okay."

I should of got her name just incase I ever needed surgery, I could make sure she wasn't assisting.

During class we were going over how to do a checkbook register in Excel. I was going over debits and credits and how to set up the formula.

"Excuse, I don't have debits and credits with my checking account, what
kind of account uses those?"
"All checking accounts do, debits are withdrawls and credits are
deposits."
"I don't have those either with my account"
(deep sigh) "Do you have pluses and minuses?"
"Yeah, that is the type of account I have."
(Cheese and Rice)

I bet the bank just loves him........

And now, a concerned mother just not thinking......

ring-ring

"payroll, this is Beth"
"This is Gomer's mom, I would like to talk to you about his bank account."
"I can't help you with his bank account, I am not at the bank and I don't have access to his account."
"But you deposit money in his account every payday."
"Yes ma'am, I do send a direct deposit to his account every payday."
"Then you must have access to his account"
(deep sigh)
"What were you calling about ma'am?"
"I just checked his account on line and he had 21 overdraft charges of $25.00 each over the last 3 days."
"Sounds like he is having personal banking problems ma'am"
"Why does he have those charges if you deposit money in his account?"
"I am just guessing here ma'am because I am not the bank, but he is probably overdrafting his account with withdrawls or his debit card."
"But you put money into his account"
"Yes ma'am but only on Fridays because that's payday"
"Can you put more in this Friday so he won't have over drafts?"
(I think my eyes crossed at this moment)
"No ma'am I can only put in the amount of his paycheck"
"Oh, I don't understand these overdraft fees. The bank advertises "totally free" checking"
"I don't know ma'am, I am not at the bank"
"Who am I talking to then?"
(I had to hold in laughter and attempt to uncross my eyes)
"The payroll department at your son's work"
"Oh, can you transfer me to the bank?"

She must have a sticky note safety pinned to her chest with her name on it.

9/14/2005

Homo-phob

I went to lunch with a female co-worker yesterday. She is a "biker chick". We went to Red Lobster. Very yummy. We were sitting there talking and waiting for our waitress to bring the ticket so we could pay and leave when a mid-40's couple is sat down about 2 tables from us. The guy is cool, but his wife keeps staring at us. Then the stares go to crusty looks, like we are crimminals or something. I asked my co-worker "Do I have a booger or something?" We both start laughing. The lady is still glaring. Our check comes and we pay and stand up. (we are in a booth with one of us on each side).

When we stand up, "Sandy" says in a very deep voice "Come on baby, I'll wear the strap-on tonight". The lady glaring just about falls out of her chair. So I touch her arm very gently and say "You are so good to me". Then we both had to walk rather fast before we could no longer hold in our laughter. It was too much fun. I don't see how two females together for lunch just talking could be considered as "lesibian behavior".

I am not a lesibian--please don't think that...
....but it was a ton of fun pressing that lady's buttons.

9/12/2005

Answer to a question

I was asked a question....Why am I still single????

My first answer is because I have 3 kids. That is a big issue with a lot of men. They don't want to be burdened with other guys kids. I understand this to a point, but we are a package deal.

Next answer is, I don't allow smoking, heavy drinking or drugs around my kids. I know, I'm such a prude.

Number three-- I don't do the bar/party thing. I live in a small oilfield town, you either drink or stay home. I don't believe in Driving under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. That just removed about 99% of the single male population of Farmington. It seems that the single men around my age are going through their second puberty. They party and slut around. Some of them have their kids on the weekends but they still go out and party. I am not of this mind set and I have issues with people that are. I am dedicated to my children and I have no problems being alone the rest of my life as long as they are properly taken care of happy.

Whew....that being said........I have been talking to a wonderful guy that is of the same frame of mind as I am, probably less obnoxious but still pretty much the same values. He doesn't mind the boys and is actually liking the idea of additional fishing partners, if things work out.

So, wish me luck.

9/09/2005

eeeewwwww!!!!

I was brushing my teeth last night in my jammies and barefoot, I feel the cat brush up against my leg. I spit my mouth full of white foam (toothpaste people...man, get your mind out of the gutter) in the sink and then look down at him, but he is not there. I look at the back of my leg and a centipede was crawling on my leg.

AAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

He went about half way up my calf and then when I move he went back down to the floor. Oh My Gosh!!!!!!!! I grab a dixie cup and put it over him so he can't get away. I call the cat and he comes in, he is ready to pounce when I lift up the cup. So I lift it up and he is not there, he is in the cup. So I hold the cup over the toilet and shake it and the little bugger falls in the toilet. I have to grab the cat cause he wants to go after him.

Note: Centipedes look cool when they swim and they swim really fast.

I quickly flushed the toilet and put the lid down, cat was mad and I was freaked out. Time to get the bug spray out again.

9/04/2005

I went to prison yesterday!!

Since this was a three day weekend and Ashton had been bugging me to go see his dad, we packed up at 4:00 am on Saturday morning and drove 4 hours and 12 minutes to Los Lunas, NM. Not much traffic so that was good and I only went the wrong way once...going there that is.

We stopped in a doctor's office parking lot to semi clean up the car, last time in Grants--they searched my car and it was a mess-- as I was walking towards the trash dumpster..a rock moved....I looked down and.......(please see below)

yes, baby frogs or maybe toads, I am not really sure. I didn't know that they would hatch or transform in or near a puddle in a parking lot, maybe there was a ditch near by. Of course, this amazing discovery lead to the following picture:

Yes, we had about a 45 minute delay to our destination due to jumping creatures in the parking lot. It was fun and a good photo opportunity.

Anyway, I followed the signs to the correctional facility (that sounds nicer than prison). Little did I know that there were 3 different sections. The first one I went to was called the farm, it was really cool and very laid back but not the right one. The guard there told me where to go. Got to the right one and they didn't even search my car, I was amazed. Drove in and parked and we had to walk about a block to the visitation desk. I presented all my neat and tidy paperwork and the lady just looked at me.

"What's this?" she asked

" All of my paperwork required for my sons to see their dad, I am his ex-wife" I said

"Are you on his list of visitors?"

"He told me we were"

"Okay, I will call him down go have a seat in there" She pointed to a room with a lot of people visiting inmates. It was very clean, I will say that. There were not any chairs available so I found the nearest wall and stood all of us up against it. About 10 minutes later, Ashton saw his dad, and his little eyes lit up like he was looking at a new bike or something. He started jumping up and down and I told him to go see him. He ran over to him and jumped in his arms and wouldn't let go. Alec didn't understand the whole scene and he stayed with me. I am glad cause I was crying and I could hide my face behind him. His boys love him so much, I don't see how he would ever do anything to cause him to be so far away from them.

Anyway, we went outside and they played for about 2 hours. Then we went in for a little bit to get some water. I didn't know they had vending machines so I didn't bring any money. But as we sat at a table I read some of the rules. Prisoners are stripped searched before and after visitation. I asked Michael what exactly was a strip search. He said that you have to get completely naked in front of a guard and lean over and put your hands on a table and , with gloves on, the guard feels between your legs and your bung hole in case you tried to stash anything up there or anywhere else. He said that the strip searches happen a lot, at least once a day. Not always in the bung hole, but they do press around it. That would certainly impress me to be have and follow all the rules.

The visit went well and when we left Alec started crying. He didn't want to leave daddy there he wanted to bring daddy with us. That was hard, but I bribed them with Toys-r-us and we got to the car without too much drama.

Made it to Rio Rancho okay and found the TRU very easily, then we had to get something to eat. So I found the Coors By-Pass and turned and we drove for a while and we found a McDonalds. They had so much fun there. As I sat there watching them play, I realized we were back in Albuquerque, I had went the wrong way on the by-pass. So when we got ready to leave, I fixed my driving error and we were home by 7:30 pm.

A very long day, but very satisfying. My boys were overjoyed to see their father and I found out that prisoners didn't have it as good as I thought they did.

Please pass a fork while I eat my humble pie.

9/02/2005

Should I not care?

My ex- mother-in-law lives in Doyline, LA, which is very close to Shreveport. I called her last night to check on her and see if everything was okay. I don't know why I thought to call, I just felt that I should.

ring-ring

"Hi Merry, this is Beth I was just calling to see if you were okay."

"Why the f*%# do you care how I am, you are not in my will anymore"

"I didn't call to fight, the boys and I were just concerned"

"Those heathen children don't even know I exist"

"Glad to hear you're okay, Bye Merry"

"Don't ever call here again, I want nothing to do with any of you"

I hung up before she could yell any more. She is the grandmother of two of my boys, and she doesn't want anything to do with them?? I am so glad that I didn't put Ashton on the phone before I spoke to her.

It is not my fault that her son is in prison or that he didn't make the payments on her house that he was living in and it got repo'd. It was his addiction to Crystal Meth and the encouragement of his new wife.

I am just thankful that I have a wonderful family and great friends. If she chooses not to be apart of her grandsons' lives, then it is her loss.

9/01/2005

CREATIVE DINING

I have been having problems getting my two little boys to eat dinner the past few weeks. So last night I tried something different.

I Forman Grilled chicken breasts, boiled perogies, cooked green beans and cut up some watermelon. After the chicken was cooked, I cut it up into cubes. We had "stab food" I gave each boy 2 of the wooden ka-bob sticks and told them to dig in. They loved it. Between the two of them they ate 3 chicken breasts, a can of green beans, 6 perogies and almost a 1/2 of a watermelon. They slept really well too. It was great.

My mother says I am teaching them bad things. I know it's not the most polite way to eat, but at least they were eating healthy food and not junk food. I am hoping they will start liking to eat dinner again then I can have them eat like the semi-civilized little boys they are.

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