PeeBugg Press: August 2005

8/30/2005

Why Do They Think I Care??

We have been without a receptionist at work for about 2 weeks, so I have been helping on the phone. Take it from me, they need to pay the receptionist a lot more than they do.

(The following names have been changed to protect the gross and disgusting)

Employee calling in on Wednesday at 2:35 pm for his shift that starts at 4:30 pm.

ring-ring

I say: "Good afternoon, employer of sick and disgusting welders."
he says: "This is Wilbur, I work night shift. I won't be in today, I have diarrhea"
I say: "Cool, thanks for calling in" and hang up the phone and scream "GROSS!!!!!, why do they tell me these things!!!"

ring-ring

"Good afternoon, employer of sick and disgusting welders"
"Yeah, this is Arnold Joe's girlfriend. He spent the night at my house last night and didn't leave me any money. "
I'm thinking but not saying--you must of sucked in bed last night then--
Then I say: "He cannot have phone calls till break at 1:30 pm."
She says: "But I need to go to the clinic now!!"
Thinking again...EEEEWWWWWWWWW
Then I say: "I can take a message and page him at break or you can call back."
She hangs up.

What person in their right mind would tell a total stranger things like this??

I saved the best for last.

Last night, I was working late finishing up payroll and one of the night foreman came in to "chat". I felt like saying, I'm not normally here this late, I really need to work so I can go home. But I didn't. He asked me what company did we use for dental insurance and I told him. Then...Then....THEN!!!!! he just had to tell me why he needed to know the dental information.

Him: I was diggin' at my tooth with my pocket knife (yes, you read right...Pocket knife) cause there was a sometin' a buggin' me a back dare. (His mama shouldda' named him Randy Redneck) And when I pulled up on my knife (he now has his fingers in his mouth trying to show me how he was doing this) part of my tooth flew out. I mean it was a big chunk (he made a hand gesture about the size of a dime). And that tooth was dark black and green. (Then he holds open his mouth and puts his huge smelly head in my face to show me where it was and he is talking while his mouth is being held open). Can ya see it thar, the rest of the tooth is kinda black too and my gum is turning black."

This whole time I am trying to scoot back in my chair, but he has me trapped. I don't want to look in his mouth, I really don't want to be anywhere near him. I grabbed the phone book real quick and found a emergency dentist and wrote the number on a sticky note and told him to go call before they close.

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!

I lysoled my office and then shut my door.

8/28/2005

He Who Walks Behind the Rows

We were driving to Durango, CO Friday to go the Bar D Chuckwagon. I used to go there alot when I was a kid. And we drove past some corn fields. So I shared with my kids a life story.

One Friday night many years ago, me and a friend watched Children of the Corn. Scared the peegeebies out of us. Then the next morning my mom drove us to Durango. We passed lots and lots of corn fields and we were screaming little girls the whole trip. My mom nearly killed us. Anyway, AJ and Niki said they wanted to watch Children of the Corn. So I went to Blockbuster and rented it. It is so old, they only have it on VHS.

When the movie started Niki was being a smart a$$ and commenting on how old it was. About 1/4 the way thru it, she made AJ turn on the light. I started laughing. She wouldn't even watch the whole thing. Before he had to take her home, she went to the bathroom. I hid outside the door and when she opened it I said BOO!!!. She screamed, slammed the bathroom door and locked it. It took AJ about 20 minutes to get her out of there.

BWA-HA-HAHAHAHAHA (evil laugh)

She is probably still not talking to me.!!!!!

8/25/2005

Rikki Tikki Eyes

THE PICTURE IS NOT UPSIDE DOWN....

THE CHILD IS!!!!

Remember Rikki Tikki-Tavi the twinklie eyed mongoose??

Alec has the same twinklie eyes when he is being ornery, actually a flat out booger-head. He was climbing on me while I was on the couch trying to watch CSI and fold clothes and I told him to stop. He just looked at me and said "Rikki-Tikki Eyes" and of course they were twinkling and he had the little mongoose look on his face. He knows I can't say no to it. So he continued to climb all over me.

I wish the camera could catch the sparkle. I have tried hundreds of times and it just doesn't get caught on film.

He is such a hand ful and he is not even trying, he is just being Alec. His love for life really keeps me going. When I am too tired to even breath, he will jump on me and get right in my face and I just have to smile.

My Latest Attempt at Dating

Last night was a night to remember. My old babysitter has been trying to set me up with men. Most of the time I find a reason to bow out, but I decided to try this time. WTF was I thinking!!!

He is younger then me, by four years, but seemed really mature on the phone. We talked on line for about a week and it all seemed cool, so last night I went over to meet him.

Cheese and Rice!!!! I have more testosterone than he does. I mean talk about feminine, he talked about how difficult it was to pick out the right material for his couch. How he used "Navajo White" paint in his formal living room because that is what is used in the "upper class" houses. blah-blah-blah.......

He said he was afraid of my three sons. Why? I asked. Because I wouldn't know what to do with them. They are boys, they will find something!!!!! It's not like we were getting married or anything, it was just a casual meeting. So weird!!!

If you haven't guessed, there was no connection there.

8/24/2005

A Unfair Balance

Now that school has started we have to wake up very early, or at least I do. AJ has a zero hour class and he has to leave the house by 6:45 am. Ashton rides the bus from daycare to school and he has to be at daycare by 7:00 am, if we get there at 7:01 am I have to take him.

Here is the unfairness: Ashton is a morning person, this boy is up at 5:00 am and ready to eat breakfast. Alec, on the other hand, is a night owl. He just can't go to sleep until after 10pm, it's usually almost midnight before I can no longer see the whites of his eyes.

It's hard operating in a annoyingly cheerful mood with only 5 hours of sleep.

It is rather amusing though to see Alec tormenting Ashton at 9 pm when Ashton is fast asleep, but Ashton gets revenge at 6 am when he gets to wake up Alec. So I guess they are even, but I am left the dark circles all day and a case of the yawns at about 3 pm.

With Pepsi bottle in hand I am off to be cheerfully annoying, Cheers!!!!!

p.s. I apologize for all of my bad spelling in the previous blog, I must of been emotional!!

8/22/2005

I don't see it as punishment....

I am going to get a bit political--so I apologize in advance.

Just got a letter from my ex-husband who is in prison in Los Lunas, NM. He avoided the police and imprisonment for 2 years. He pointed a loaded gun at me when our children were sitting right behind me, he followed me and harassed me at my home, work and any public place he found me, he also had members of our local "Brown Pride" gang stalk me. (That was until they figured out he was a psychotic tweaker). He was finally convicted and sent to prison for writhing hot checks. Kinda Al Capon-ish isn't it.

Anyway, the letter said that he just got his first college class credit. Four credits for completing a course in religion. Religion!!! This of the man that said he would believe in God when he actually say a grey haired man floating on a cloud!!!!!

It seems that while incarcerated, he gets the opportunity to get his degree. How nice. I am a single mother receiving no child support and he gets a college education along with free room and board!!!!

Let's compare:

Before prison, he lived in a gross one bedroom travel trailer with no heat and no hot water and not cable TV. He and his new wife went from church to church getting free food and clothes. They smoked the unused parts of cigarettes they found in the gutter...eewww...Neither of them worked or had any money.

In prison. He gets 3 meals a day. Daily hot shower, weightroom privildges, cable TV (this was deemed and necessity by the Government), college classes, free medical and mental health care, he does have a job that pays him $.60 an hour so he can by cigarettes and stuff and he plays on a softball team.

Seems pretty choice compared to his previous living conditions. True he has to deal with other disgusting men and no private showers, but he has his own private dorm room. No cell a dorm room.

And they wonder why people can't function "on the outside". They have it made in prison compared to their life before prison. On the outside they have to provide for themselves in a legal way.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be in prison. I just don't see how living better than you were living is a punishment. I realize that their "freedom" is restricted but they also have a lot more opportunities. I do appreciate the fact that they are trying to give offenders new life skills, but a college degree?????

I think all of that money could be used to help a battered woman's shelter or food banks or even scholarship funds for children of single parents.

Did you know that if a woman's husband beats her up and she goes to a battered woman's shelter and he goes to jail, he will be in better conditions than she will.

I wonder if Alkatraz was like prisons are today???

Why NOW--Why TODAY!!!!

Today is the first day of school in the beautiful dwelling of Farmington and guess what???

They started road construction on 3 major streets!!!!! They had all summer to do this and they did nothing. They saved it all for August 22nd.

The planner probably said.."Let's have some fun, lets tear up the streets starting at 7:15 am so the hundreds of people trying to get their kids to the first day of school can have just a little more stress"

It was horrible, orange barrels and cones everywhere. Flaggers and then the school crossing guards all waving flags.

CHEESE AND RICE!!!!

8/21/2005

Aren't they supposed to be enemies???

Juan Lopez and Buddy the Kitten, they even match!!!!

8/20/2005

Are these my kids??

I braved IHOP with my two little ones this morning, actually it was about brunch time.

They actually behaved, my kids weren't the loudest and worst kids in the restaurant. Yeah!!! We are talking they actually stayed in the booth the whole time and weren't fighting or anything. I even got a compliment on how well behaved they were.

I am still in shock, Ashton ate 5 silver dollar pancakes, 2 scrambled eggs a piece of sausage and 1/2 of my hamburger. Alec ate the whipped cream off of his pancakes and 4 pieces of bacon.

I'm wondering if aliens abduct your kids, do they leave replacements????

8/19/2005

SELF TORTURE 101--WHY DID I GO THERE!!

Keep in mind as you read, I am a true animal lover. If I had a farm, it would not only have farm animals but dogs, cats...the whole 9 yards and non of them would be for food...lol..

AJ called me and asked me to come to the dog pound. He and Niki (his girlfriend) had found a kitten. Now I had just got Alec a kitten for his birthday, so I am really not in the market for another animal. But, nonetheless, I go down to the pound.

I get there and I walk around the outside kennels to see who they have there, then I go in the puppy room (huge mistake) there is a puppy there that looked just like Sydney did when she was little except she was brown and white. And the wonderful puppy breath smell. I wish I could of taken them all home. I finally get to the cat room. There is a beautiful Siamese cat and 2 kittens in there and a huge black cat that was loud talker. Then Niki showed me the kitty she wanted. A female that was only 4 weeks old, her mom had gotten ran over and they had the kittens. Earlier in the summer, Niki's parents had told her that when she got back from South Africa, she could get a kitten. So I told her I would sign for it. She gave me the money and we adopted Abigail aka Abbie the Tabbie. Niki's dad got home last night and said "No" to the cat. This is typical of them to always change their mind when it comes to her. So, Abbie is going to stay with her until AJ gets back from camping tomorrow and if her dad hasn't changed his mind, the I will have 2 cats and 3 dogs...but no snake...YEAH-RAH.

Then, last night I had dreams about the animals at the pound. In my dream I watched the guy put them in the rusty cages to put them in the gas chamber and kill them and the whole time they were looking at me for help.

Horrible, Horrible dream.

8/17/2005

Mama, You Hate..?

We went school clothes shopping this weekend, ugh!!!

We went to Target and Alec (4 years old) had to go tot he bathroom. So I took him and the bathrooms were reasonably clean. After Target, we went to McDonald's for a quick lunch. I told the boys to go to the bathroom before we braved Wal-Mart. Ashton took Alec to the restroom and when they came out Ashton said that Alec wouldn't go to the bathroom he just played with the hand drier. So I asked Alec if he need to go "potty" and he said "Nope" so we left.

You know where this is going...don't you.

We got about to the middle of Wal-mart and Alec says.."Mama..I have to go potty". I kinda flopped my hands down and headed to the back of the store to the "family" restrooms. We waited a little bit and then it was our turn. The bathroom was so gross and smelly. I have my clorax wipes out and we enter the stall. Luckily Alec was tall enough to stand and go, so there wasn't any major touching of the fixtures. He finishes and I make him wash his hands and then I clorax wipe him just in case.

Then I say.."I hate public restrooms"
Alec says.."Mama hates........Mama hates my pee-pee?" and he has an incredibly sad look on his face like he is about to cry.

I said "No, baby, I don't hate your pee-pee. I love all of you even your pee-pee." and he smiled. Can you imagine if we had been in the women's bathroom and there were lots of people in there what that would of sounded like.

8/16/2005

My Interview Answers

I volunteered for interview questions from Drama Mama. So here we go.

First Question: What is one skill your parents used in raising you that you use with your kids?

I would have to say the recognition of "family" and it's values. How a family should work together and not against each other. That when you are having a bad day, your family is there for you and you should be understanding when other members are having a bad day. How important it is to have dinner together as much as possible and have family activities.

Although, my family now is a bit different then how I grew up -- it is still my family.

Second Question: What is one thing your parents did that you would never pass on to your kids?

The act of being prejudice or prejudice-ism. My parents were older parents and from the South. They disliked any "non-white" people and anything not the "norm". I strive to be accepting of all people, especially my kids friends, despite their family, past, race, religion or haircut. I am not accepting of drug addicts or alcoholism or anything illegal. But I do try to deal with the current events and issues with open mind.

Third Question: Tell about a situation so shocking, that you couldn't find the right words to say..until later.

Now this is difficult because I usually don't have that problem. But, in domestic violence court during the 1st hearing of me and "Meth-Man"........He had his lawyer say that I had had several abortions in the past few months and was sleeping with several gang members and that he had tapes of my actions and you could hear my children banging on the door in the background asking for some milk to drink.

Well first point was that you can't have several abortions in a few months and the second point was I was living with my parents. I guess I was completely shocked that he would try to drag my name through the mud like that. He actually had made a tape, using the next door neighbor who by the way looks nothing like me, and started showing it in court. After about the first 45 seconds the judge dismissed the tape as fraudulent.

After court, I was speechless as he gloated in the lobby. Later I addressed the issue, with a voice recorder in my bra, in a civilized manner and he confessed it was all a hoax.

Question 4: Tell about a time you said exactly what you meant, and later regretted it.

I confronted my parents on them running my life. I pointed out the things that they pressured me to do and they weren't good ideas. I wasn't blaming them for my mistakes but trying to point out how they need to but out of my life. Then of course the next week I had to ask them if I could borrow $40.00.

I had to learn to be strong and let them voice their opinions and consider their input but I had to make my own decisions for what was best for me and my boys.

8/15/2005

Trust Issues

Due to my past experiences, I have issues with trust and/or believing in people. I have been scammed so many times it makes me feel like an idiot.

How can you meet new people if you trust no one?? I am not a good faker or emotion, so putting on a game face just doesn't work for me. I suppose a good way is to be in a moral environment, but even then there are frauds. How can you tell who is real and who is playing "the game"?

I used to trust people until they proved me wrong, but that just isn't possible anymore. I try to take people at face value and let them earn my trust but then I feel like I am not being honest and upfront with them so why should they be that way with me.

I am thankful for the handful of friends I do have and they are very precious to me, but it is not easy living day to day with this fear.

That's what it is--it's fear. Is there a way to get past this???

8/11/2005

I need to vent....

I have been talking, via e-mail, to a guy that was introduced to me by my old babysitter. She said she thought we would have alot in common. So we have been writing back and forth and it seemed to be going okay. Then we did the phone thing. It seemed like I was having to pull teeth to get him to talk. Then he asked about my ex and if he was in the boys life. I told him no he isn't in the boys life and then he asked why and I had to tell him that he was in prison. Then I explained about his meth habit and all the trouble he got in because of it and that his current wife is prison bound as well.

I felt guilty for my ex, like I had committed these crimes---which I had not. I doubt he will ever take one of my calls or call me back again. I don't want to give up on the search for that special someone, I know there is a normal guy out there for me. I just need a locator beacon on his head or something so I can find him.

A guy with morals that isn't just out for sex or some fetish satisifaction. Some one who has a job and teeth. Some one who is accepting and good with kids.

Blah....okay...I feel semi better.

8/10/2005

Major DE JA VU Today

I went to sign Ashton up for 2nd grade and there was a note on the door of the school saying go up the street to the Jr. High. They are still redoing the elementry. So I went up to Hermosa Jr. High, major memories came back. I went to that school, I also went to Northeast in elementry but not too many memories there.

I walked up to the front of the school and I could remember my first day of school as a 7th grader. I was so scared as I stood in line to get my schedule. I saw the pay phone where I called my mom to come and get me when a 9th grader wanted to fight me. I saw the gym and locker room where I, for the first time, had to change in front of other girls.

Not alot had changed, they did carpet the floors, why they did that I will never know, and they had red paint on the poles outside instead of silver.

Now that I am back at work, I am feeling old. ha-ha I didn't have these flash backs with my oldest because he went to different schools.

8/07/2005

Make Mine White Chocolate Please!!

Alec, now 4, has had an addiction to chocolate milk for about 2.5 years now. That's over half his life. It stared when my husband and I split up. I gave him chocolate Ovalteen, at least it had vitamins and stuff in it. But when we moved out of my parents house, that was too expensive. He was going through 3 cans a week and they were $5.00 a can and that doesn't count the milk. I switched to NesQuik liquid and that was better. On Friday's I would buy the premixed chocolate milk at the store as a treat for the boys.

I am glad for all the milk drinking, but I was getting concerned about all the sugar. I consulted my teenager and asked for his input. He came up with a brilliant idea, he must get that from me!!!

At dinner, he poured everyone milk and Alec screamed "chocolate" and put a spoon in his own milk and stirred it up and said "Mine is white chocolate, way better than brown chocolate"

Ashton played along and then Alec grabbed his spoon and stirred his milk, tasted it and said "yummy" and drank 2 glasses of it.

So now when he wants milk, he asks for white chocolate.

At times, teenagers can be cool. Just don't tell them.

8/05/2005

I'm Confused About Child Counseling vs. Life

I just got off the phone with Ashton's counselor. He has been seeing her since 2003 and the gun thing with his dad. She has really helped him get thru our divorce by being a biest person he can talk to. She has taught him how to work out his anger and flustration, which is wonderful.

But now she is saying that I shouldn't say "no" to him. That if I do it will make him close up and he won't get his feelings out in the open. Instead she said I should work with him to help him get what he wants. I don't agree with this. Ashton has a lot of his dad's personality in him and he is a "bleeder" (couldn't think of a better word). If he can find a way to get what he wants...he will bleed it dry. I don't want Ashton to perfect this trait. I want him to understand that he needs to work (a bit) for what he gets and that everything will not be handed to him on a silver platter. And that somethings, I will not get him. Right now he wants a dirt bike--but like the snake, it is a whim and in a few months he will have no interest. What is a mom to do??

I don't want to buy my son's feelings, but I also don't want to make him feel neglected. I am opening up and letting him do more things outside the fence. Mainly since we live in a better neighborhood and his dad is in prison so I don't have to worry about him being snatched too much.

The next thing she asked me is if I have a man in my life that can be a father figure to him. Great....no stress there!!!! I told her there is my dad and AJ. AJ has been a great help by being the constant "man figure" but he is just a teen anger and he has his life too. My dad takes Ashton to Twae-kwon-doe (however you spell it) but he is old.

I am in a lose-lose situation there I guess.

I have semi dated, but it's difficult to keep the boys from having contact with this person until you know if it's going to work. And if it doesn't work, it's difficult to explain it to the kids.

"Hey boys, mom's a loser and another one bites the dust!!! I'm sorry" And then there is dealing with the things the guy tells them to impress them....like he will take them fishing. Kids don't forget stuff like that and I am left picking up the pieces.

Can I just order someone to fill the spot and be done?

8/04/2005

TEN COMMANDEMENTS

Once again taken from Catholic.org

The Catholic Ten Commandments of God
I. I am the Lord your God; you shall not have strange gods before me.
II. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
III. Remember to keep holy the Lord's day
IV. Honor your father and your mother.
V. You shall not kill.
VI. You shall not commit adultery.
VII. You shall not steal.
VIII. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
IX. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.
X. You shall not covet you neighbor's goods.

The Christian 10 Commandments of God (verbage varies--but meaning is the same)

I. Thou shalt have no other gods before me
II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in
heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
III. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain
IV. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
V. Honour thy father and thy mother.
VI. Thou shalt not kill.
VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
VIII. Thou shalt not steal.
IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife,
nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is
thy neighbour's.

Obvisously I cut and pasted these.

But did you notice the difference??? The second commandment on the Catholic list is very different from the other list and.....and....they broke down the 10th to make up 9 and 10.

Very interesting.

You know you've watched too many scary movies when....

you go to the trash dumpster and when you lift the lid you jump back and scream cause, for some unknown reason, you had the sudden feeling that a zombie would jump out at you!!!!

I can't believe I did that last night. It was weird, I lifted up the lid and I jumped back and screamed. There was nothing there!!!!

I need to lay off the Scooby-Doo

WHAT KIND OF COFFEE ARE YOU??

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern

At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent

You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet

Your caffeine addiction level: low

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

8/02/2005

Something Today Made Me Remember

I decided to stop taking my birth control pills--for many reasons. First and most important because I am 35...Oh My Gosh....I am getting so old and they say the women over 35 have a higher risk for cancer on the pill. Second, they are a pain in the neck and I have been taking them since I was 17....quick do the math...that's 18 years minus the 3 pregnancies.

The reasons I was on them, one it made all the girl stuff less gross and painful and two it was an ex-husband control issue that I will now relive with you.....

We had just gotten back together for like the 8th time and he said it was all going to be great...like I hadn't heard that one before. Anyway, he told me that he had done some research and birthcontrol pills caused women to hate their husbands....whatever..... I had a very weird feeling inside when we went back that last time and I should of followed it, but nonetheless I wanted to believe in love and it's power so we went back.

Anyway, he demanded I get off the pills. So I did, very unlike me because I am overly stubborn. When it was time to become intimate, he refused to wear a condom. I told him I didn't want to get pregnant again and he really needed to wear one. This was a huge fight every time. He stopped working and I was the only one bringing in any money. He stayed home all day and watched porn and, (I didn't find this out till later) was smoking Meth with his "friends" down the street. I come home one day and he is moodier, if possible, than usual and just hateful to me he had that scary I am going to kill you in your sleep look in his eye. Why I didn't just bail then, I do not know....I AM SO STUPID!!!!

So it came to be bed time, a time I had started dreading in my house, and I crawled in bed and he reached over me and opened the night stand and took out a box of condoms and threw them at the wall. "Never again you B*%ch" I asked him what he was talking about and then he took out a half used pack of birth control pills and threw them at me. Then he said "I told you that forbid you to take these and here they are and half gone" It was an old pack, obvisously he had been going thru my stuff looking for something to be mad about. I attempted to explain but that just made matters worse. That night will forever be burned in my memory.

Anyway, about a week later he and I went to go pick up Ashton from pre-school. Half way home he acted like he was going to hit a guy walking on the side of the street. By the way, he was high beyond belief at this moment, I was starting to finally catch on. I screamed at him to stop and think about his boys in the back seat. He just looked at me with that evil look again and swerved again just to be an a$$.

Then he started yelling at me, he said "If you get pregnant, you will get an abortion you whore!!" keep in mind, my two youngest boys are in the back seat.

Then I told him that I didn't believe in abortion and if he didn't want me to get pregnant he could either keep to himself or use some sort of birth control.

This really pissed him off and he said "I want a divorce"

I crossed my arms like "I Dream of Jeannie" (I did have a pony tail that day) and nodded my head and said "GRANTED"

We are lucky we got home in one piece. I called my dad and told him to come get the boys I was done. As we were leaving, he was trying to say he was sorry and he didn't mean it. I just kept getting our basic essentials together then when we got ready to go, he opened the door and right in front of his boys he said "Don't ever come back, any of you" I reached down and picked up Cleo and took my boys outside and I heard him lock the dead bolt behind us.

Ashton looked up at me with great confusion and I smiled at him and said "Now, lets go to a home where we are welcome"

Anyway, I have never looked back with regret about leaving. I have however thought myself naive for not knowing about the drugs and for believing in a drug addict.

But, why this particular story???? It all stared with birthcontrol pills and being in control of my own life.

Man, I need some chocolate!!!!

8/01/2005

What do I have Stamped on my Forehead???

I have pretty much had it with men in this area AND with men on line for that matter.

It's been about 2 years since I heard from this guy that I used to chat with. We had even talked on the phone. We had never met and pretty much just always talked about him. But when you live with your parents and your kids, any outside conversation is good.

Well, he called my cell phone last night at like 11:30 pm. It rings, I just about jump through the roof thinking it's my parents and something has happened to my dad. Keep in mind I haven't heard a peep out of him for 2 years.

"Hey, it's Mike" he says

I'm thinking, ex-husband is named Michael but never calls himself Mike, old boss is named Mike but doesn't have my cell phone, I do have a friend named Mike that works for Key Energy but he knows I would kick his a$$ if he called me at 11:30 pm. So I say...

"Mike Who?" in a very sleepy voice.

"Mike in the mountains" he said. This is his yahoo handle.

"Oh, is everything okay?" I say trying to wake up and stretching.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about you and wondered if you would give me a blow job"

"What!!" I was waking up fast.

"Man it sounds like you are playing with yourself!!"

"Who is this again?" I ask

"I forgot how sexy your voice sounds, can you come over to my house now I could use you"

He got the dial tone from me.!!

Do I have "I swallow" or "Do me please" stamped on my forehead???

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