I'm Confused About Child Counseling vs. Life

I just got off the phone with Ashton's counselor. He has been seeing her since 2003 and the gun thing with his dad. She has really helped him get thru our divorce by being a biest person he can talk to. She has taught him how to work out his anger and flustration, which is wonderful.

But now she is saying that I shouldn't say "no" to him. That if I do it will make him close up and he won't get his feelings out in the open. Instead she said I should work with him to help him get what he wants. I don't agree with this. Ashton has a lot of his dad's personality in him and he is a "bleeder" (couldn't think of a better word). If he can find a way to get what he wants...he will bleed it dry. I don't want Ashton to perfect this trait. I want him to understand that he needs to work (a bit) for what he gets and that everything will not be handed to him on a silver platter. And that somethings, I will not get him. Right now he wants a dirt bike--but like the snake, it is a whim and in a few months he will have no interest. What is a mom to do??

I don't want to buy my son's feelings, but I also don't want to make him feel neglected. I am opening up and letting him do more things outside the fence. Mainly since we live in a better neighborhood and his dad is in prison so I don't have to worry about him being snatched too much.

The next thing she asked me is if I have a man in my life that can be a father figure to him. Great....no stress there!!!! I told her there is my dad and AJ. AJ has been a great help by being the constant "man figure" but he is just a teen anger and he has his life too. My dad takes Ashton to Twae-kwon-doe (however you spell it) but he is old.

I am in a lose-lose situation there I guess.

I have semi dated, but it's difficult to keep the boys from having contact with this person until you know if it's going to work. And if it doesn't work, it's difficult to explain it to the kids.

"Hey boys, mom's a loser and another one bites the dust!!! I'm sorry" And then there is dealing with the things the guy tells them to impress them....like he will take them fishing. Kids don't forget stuff like that and I am left picking up the pieces.

Can I just order someone to fill the spot and be done?


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