Something Today Made Me Remember

I decided to stop taking my birth control pills--for many reasons. First and most important because I am 35...Oh My Gosh....I am getting so old and they say the women over 35 have a higher risk for cancer on the pill. Second, they are a pain in the neck and I have been taking them since I was 17....quick do the math...that's 18 years minus the 3 pregnancies.

The reasons I was on them, one it made all the girl stuff less gross and painful and two it was an ex-husband control issue that I will now relive with you.....

We had just gotten back together for like the 8th time and he said it was all going to be great...like I hadn't heard that one before. Anyway, he told me that he had done some research and birthcontrol pills caused women to hate their husbands....whatever..... I had a very weird feeling inside when we went back that last time and I should of followed it, but nonetheless I wanted to believe in love and it's power so we went back.

Anyway, he demanded I get off the pills. So I did, very unlike me because I am overly stubborn. When it was time to become intimate, he refused to wear a condom. I told him I didn't want to get pregnant again and he really needed to wear one. This was a huge fight every time. He stopped working and I was the only one bringing in any money. He stayed home all day and watched porn and, (I didn't find this out till later) was smoking Meth with his "friends" down the street. I come home one day and he is moodier, if possible, than usual and just hateful to me he had that scary I am going to kill you in your sleep look in his eye. Why I didn't just bail then, I do not know....I AM SO STUPID!!!!

So it came to be bed time, a time I had started dreading in my house, and I crawled in bed and he reached over me and opened the night stand and took out a box of condoms and threw them at the wall. "Never again you B*%ch" I asked him what he was talking about and then he took out a half used pack of birth control pills and threw them at me. Then he said "I told you that forbid you to take these and here they are and half gone" It was an old pack, obvisously he had been going thru my stuff looking for something to be mad about. I attempted to explain but that just made matters worse. That night will forever be burned in my memory.

Anyway, about a week later he and I went to go pick up Ashton from pre-school. Half way home he acted like he was going to hit a guy walking on the side of the street. By the way, he was high beyond belief at this moment, I was starting to finally catch on. I screamed at him to stop and think about his boys in the back seat. He just looked at me with that evil look again and swerved again just to be an a$$.

Then he started yelling at me, he said "If you get pregnant, you will get an abortion you whore!!" keep in mind, my two youngest boys are in the back seat.

Then I told him that I didn't believe in abortion and if he didn't want me to get pregnant he could either keep to himself or use some sort of birth control.

This really pissed him off and he said "I want a divorce"

I crossed my arms like "I Dream of Jeannie" (I did have a pony tail that day) and nodded my head and said "GRANTED"

We are lucky we got home in one piece. I called my dad and told him to come get the boys I was done. As we were leaving, he was trying to say he was sorry and he didn't mean it. I just kept getting our basic essentials together then when we got ready to go, he opened the door and right in front of his boys he said "Don't ever come back, any of you" I reached down and picked up Cleo and took my boys outside and I heard him lock the dead bolt behind us.

Ashton looked up at me with great confusion and I smiled at him and said "Now, lets go to a home where we are welcome"

Anyway, I have never looked back with regret about leaving. I have however thought myself naive for not knowing about the drugs and for believing in a drug addict.

But, why this particular story???? It all stared with birthcontrol pills and being in control of my own life.

Man, I need some chocolate!!!!