Friday Confessional

Normally this is my Chaps My Fanny section.....but today.........

I CONFESS

I have been co-dependent on the guy up North. Or even possibly co-dependent of the thought of actually having a real relationship with the guy up North.

Early September, 2005 we began talking on the internet....don't roll your eyes...it is a good thing. Anyway about 5 days later we met and had our first and only date, it was one of the most memorable days in my life. Everything went smoothly no weird awkward moments...like we had know each other for years -- it just came natural.

Since then, we have talked on the phone, via e-mail, text messaging and instant messenger. However, when it came down to meeting again--it just never happened. Something always came up or one of us backed out.

Then in December, I wanted to be a cool "girlfriend" (at least in my head I was his girlfriend) so I bought the stuff he liked from our first date and got it to go. I packed up the little boys and we drove 50 miles north. I found his neighborhood but wasn't sure about the house so I sent a text message asking what one was his. Well that "went over like a fart in church"..... phone call came next...got semi heated....I ended up driving back home with the food and sleeping little boys. I didn't hear from him after that for a long time. I did still send up the Christmas for him and his daughter. (I had so much fun getting to buy little girl things.....that is a memory I will always treasure). Anyway......I went thru the date from hell in January.....I guess I ignored my better judgment because I was still upset about my horrible mistake. (I tried to link the post but can't find the whole address...it's on January 3, 2006 if you want to read about it.)

Anyway....we have been talking on and off since September...to put it briefly after all of that long explanation. To be honest, he has my heart...Whether he wants it or not. I have been asked out and always turned them down. I didn't even go to lunch with one of my classes for fear of what he might think. (they invited, offered to pay and it was all men).

I have been using the thought of a possibly "happily ever after" to keep myself, and my boys, reclused and away from society. Not that there is a lot going on in this town---but I am realizing that I have been doing this.

I sincerely hope that my co-dependence has not had any ill affect or effects on him.

On the happier side.....at least I haven't had anymore fetish dates!!!!

Happy Friday Blogland!!

Friday Confessional

http://peebugg.blogspot.com/2006/04/friday-confessional.html