Pre Golden Child Babblings

Brother gets here today....go team (attempting to sound excited, and failing at it)

The little boys have been sick since Wednesday, and I had Friday off "with pay" and I was sick. So not fair!!!

I've been taking Advil since about 4 pm yesterday and it's made me overly philosophical. Medication makes me one of 3 things...philosophical, sleepy or horny. I'm glad it didn't do the last one because it's just not fair when you live alone and the only man that gets into your bed is a action figure super hero!!

Anyway, as I was zombing and thinking an amazing yet saddening thought crossed my mind....."am I difficult to love?" I don't need anyone to do things for me or to buy me things....I just want someone to love me completely and unconditionally. I'm thinking this is alot to ask. Most of the time we all like to feel needed. And being humans, we feel needed when we can do things for others. Like buying them stuff and doing difficult or tedious tasks. But those things aren't really "love", they are things that make us feel better about ourselves because we are helping those we care about. But, can't we just love someone? Can we be there for them emotionally to offer support through their difficult times without trying to fix it for them? We all need to be needed, but can we be happy to only be needed for our love and companionship? I just want someone to love me unconditionally. I wouldn't reject help in other forms, but I am not in need of them. I am, however in need of some to love me and to allow me to love them. Now I sound "loved starved". Call it what you will, it's just an observation from a sleepless and drug induced night.

I have been inside my own walled up little world for a very long time letting wounds heal and basically hidding. I have ventured out and experienced a few drops of what I want to call love and then deprived of it again. Not a great feeling,but I feel it is self induced. It is harder to have something and do without than it is to never have it to start with.

Now that I have scared everyone with a few inner thoughts.......



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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anything worth wanting is worth taking a chance.

11/18/2006 1:08 PM  
Blogger drama mama said...

I'm sorry you're all sick. The Bear and I are starting to feel better.

11/18/2006 4:15 PM  
Anonymous Drib said...

lol..HA, I won't mention anything about the action figure if you don't ;)

Hope you're feeling better PB

11/20/2006 12:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would that be the S & M G.I. Joe? With the kung fu grip?

11/20/2006 12:52 PM  
Blogger drama mama said...

So.....how are things going with the "family reunion"??

11/21/2006 11:06 AM  
Blogger peebugg said...

The Drib and O'Gherkin:

eh-hem....BITE ME!!!

At least I'm not going lesibian and have Barbies in my bed

11/21/2006 7:40 PM  

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