9/20/2006

Talk is .........

I've hesitated in posting any of this for fear of what others might think, but it's my blog...so I have decided to post.

Why when you talk to most people do they make pie crust promises??? Why are things said and certain circumstances stated and if by chance that such circumstance happens, they don't stand by what they said?

O'Gherkin and I had been conversing over the phone and messenger for about 2-1/2 weeks or so......keep in mind he was a "high school flame". When we started talking again, I really stressed the "going really slow" issue. We have both been thru alot and are still going thru alot and I just didn't want things to go wrong and lose a possible rekindled friendship if a "relationship" didn't work.

To sum up 2.5 weeks in a paragraph or two.......his version of going slowly and mine are two very different things. I understand being passionate about someone or something and doing everything to get it, but you have to consider the other person. I'm very gun shy on the whole relationship thing, especially getting serious with anyone. For a few reasons I am this way, the main one is The Boys, I don't want them to ever have to go thru a separation or anything of the sort again. The second one is me....I honestly don't know if I can live with anyone again. I mean I have built up walls and have survival tactics that I have been living by for 3+ years..these habits aren't broken easily and the security of being on my own and not depending on anyone. Although this is a lonely life, it is one I feel safe in. And if pushed into a "relationship" situation...I will just Hermit out...

Then there is the safe thing just mentioned. I would feel much safer if I was with someone...what girl doesn't........but would I be so jumpy that I wouldn't be able to enjoy it?? Would I be walking on egg shells all the time and not be able to be myself????

In all honesty what happened was that he was pushing for a little more, and I would stall him...then he would push again...stall...push....stall....push...and that final push was just too much for me to handle and my response to him wasn't what he wanted and or needed to hear. So now I've lost a friend because I wasn't able to change and adapt to his needs.

I don't believe that it is possible to change people anymore. You can push them all you want and unless they are truly ready, you won't get the result that you were wanting. I believe in taking people for face value. If you think you can change them, then you will most likely lose them. In some of our final words he said he doesn't see himself changing and yet I was expected to change. Seems unfair from my stand point, but I guess we all see things differently.

I think if a relationship of any kind is going to work, you have to accept the person as they are right then. Not what they can be in 5 years or what you can talk them into, but who they truly are inside. Two people should be able to compliment each other in life. If one is shy, one might be more of a "people person". You need to have just enough differences that when you are together...you, as a couple, make one amazing team.....

Peace Out Blog Land....

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5 Comments:

Blogger Dubs said...

Awwwww sweet friend. :( I'm here. I understand and have been through that. :( It's hard being a single momma.

9/20/2006 7:26 PM  
Blogger drama mama said...

Are you ok? Call me and vent if you need to. I'll be home all day!

9/21/2006 9:13 AM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I think you did the right thing. You should not have to make changes like that. To thine own self be true.

That doesn't make it suck any less though. I'm sorry :(

9/22/2006 2:35 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I think you did the right thing. You should not have to make changes like that. To thine own self be true.

That doesn't make it suck any less though. I'm sorry :(

9/22/2006 2:35 PM  
Blogger Brony said...

Sorry that things aren't going well. You need to stay true to yourself. Part of being in a relationship means growing as a couple.

9/25/2006 3:07 PM  

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