4/03/2006

Just Weird Stuff!!!!


I read that sign out loud (not like the small print says) Before I realized what I was saying.


Disneyland was great, exhausting, but great. The boys had a great time. On the trip back all 3 were asleep for the first 4 hours of the drive, so I know they had fun!!!!

Even though it was a bit chilly and rainy, we went to the beach. I was a bit disappointed in the trashy-ness of it. Litter everywhere. But they all got to see the ocean and put their feet in it, and that was the main objective. Hopefully we will get to go to a beach in warm/hot weather and they can truly enjoy it.

My parents drove me crazy on our trip. They called on Thursday and wanted me to come home on Friday. We had just got there!!!! My dad yelled at me during several different calls. Finally on Saturday I asked why he is yelling, my mom said that he isn't worried about me just all the other people out there. Then I said that I didn't think they could hear him yelling at me so I don't think it did much good. Yep, she got mad again....but hey...WE WERE ON VACATION!!

This vacation was all about the boys and making good memories for them. I do have some guilt with getting onto Ashton all the time. He palm-heeled Alec in the chin right before the parade and I yelled at him. Well kinda yelled...we were in public so I wasn't loud just for the lack of a better word "bitchy". And there were many other occasions that he was just wild. I really, really have guilt with him. I've caught myself saying negative things about his dad around him lately and I have to stop that. Even though the guy is a total meth-head, at one time he was a decent human being and is and will always be the little boys' father. Speaking of him......I check the prisoner website about every other day just in case they do release him....they updated his picture....

He just turns my stomach...... There was also a letter from him waiting for us when we returned home. He said that he will be going into some kind of program before he can come back up here. I don't know if it's a half-way house or what....but hopefully it will take a while.

I've decided that I will not let him mess up or uproot us again. I am tired of running and hiding and not being able to live what little bit of a life I have. (you can do alot of thinking when driving 800 miles in one day with everyone in the car asleep most of the time.) We have the big dog, and other means of self protection. All that is left is dealing with him head on and not letting him do the con act on me he always has............we have our life and our family.....and it consists of 3 boys and a mom.......he had is chance at our family and he chose the crack pipe so he can go back to it or what ever else....just not us....

All of this is easier said than done....but this is my goal and my focus....

Minor vent...but I feel better.......

4 Comments:

Blogger Dubs said...

don't be so hard on yourself! I totally know what you mean. Sometimes my son goes through those times where i have to yell yell and be so mean or so it feels. But I think they understand on some level. Sometimes I just start talking really nicely and it throws him off LOL...

Sigh.

I'm glad you had a fun time in spite of all the bumps. I don't understand why the parents were so up tight?

I love the photos!

4/03/2006 6:51 PM  
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